The NBA's Finest

Since nobody actually watches NBA games, I figured I would pick out the best ones and give quick recaps. Having only looked at a box score or two, these could be completely inaccurate and ridiculous.

Boston Celtics 96, Atlanta Hawks 104

With nothing but dignity on the line, Atlanta managed to pull off an impressive home victory against the surging Celtics. Both teams looked to the bench for a late miracle run to the playoffs, leaving all the tremendously talented players to watch this game from the sidelines.

Tyrone Lue was the high scorer for the Hawks with 26, which is embarassing considering it's Tyrone Lue. Gerald Green, the undeserving winner of the Slam Dunk Contest, scored 33 in a losing cause.

New Jersey Nets 96, Washington Wizards 92

I accidentally changed the channel during the Blue Jays game and found this gem. Now I didn't get to watch much of it because nothing beats a Josh Towers - Zach Greinke matchup, but what I saw cracked me up.

Since Gilbert Arenas got cut from the US National Team, I've hated him with a passion. I'm not even sure why, maybe it's because deep down I feel the numbers 0 and 00 should be retired by the NBA to honour Greg Ostertag. Anyway, without Agent Double Zero, the Wizards looked almost scared to shoot. It's understandable considering they're used to being yelled at if they don't look for Arenas before shooting, but it just made me so happy knowing the Raptors might get to play them in the first round.

As for the game, Vince Carter probably took a 5-step approach for a breakaway dunk, Jason Kidd disobeyed league rules as usual by running in early from the 3-point line on a free throw to grab the rebound (fuck him, his triple-doubles are all tainted!), and Antawn Jamison proved once again that he is the greatest Tar Heel ever.

Indiana Pacers 86, Philadelphia 76ers 90

Somehow both of these teams are still in the playoff race, which makes this game at least a bit interesting. If I was a player on either team though, I would be trying to lose to avoid an abortion in the first round of playoffs.

Now I refuse to follow a team that thinks they are better without Allen Iverson, so I'm not sure why Korver and Iguodala didn't play. Lucky for them, Indiana shot a solid 33% with offensive powerhouse Danny Granger going 2 for 17 from the field.

All Philadelphia needs now is for Orlando to lose the rest of their games while winning all of their own. Good luck...bastards.

Other Scores:

• Miami Heat 82, Charlotte Bobcats 92
• Sacramento Kings 112, Memphis Grizzlies 100
• Los Angeles Clippers 100, New Oklahoma City Hornets 103
• New York Knicks 69, Chicago Bulls 98