Thursday, May 31, 2007

Loco Logos #2

That title is just too good to only use once. So now i bring you the 2 best and 2 worst logos in each major North American sport(NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB).

It is my belief that in order to have a good logo, it must have these essential things.

1. A good logo should not be too complicated. When you're a kid and trying to draw your favorite team's logo, you shouldn't have to be Rembrandt to draw it.
2. It should kinda represent the area where the team is.
3. It should have something to do with the name of the team.
4. Overall good and menacing looks

My selections might not quite follow these guidelines, so...fuck you.

First up, the NFL

The best:

The Denver Broncos

Not too complicated (maybe a little too many details on the horse's face), great color scheme, good representation of the team. A modern look, but not over the top.

Represents the city and team perfectly, simple to draw and even good looking.

Honorable mention: New England

Worst Logos

The Detroit Lions

A shadow of a jumping blue lion? Lame. You can't distinguish any features and if the team wasn't called the lions, you'd think it was a disfigured retard in the midst of falling over.

Well let's see if you can guess which team is next..

who else but...

The Cleveland Browns!

The epitomy of a crappy logo. In the beginning, the team held a contest to figure out what to name themselves. The city of Cleveland, being the absolute idiots that they are, voted to name their team the Browns (Note: That's a dumb fucking color to name your team after.) Though it's been disputed over whether they chose the name Browns because of Paul Brown the coach or Joe "Brown Bomber" Louis, the outcome remains the same. The team is still named the Browns. Now when naming your team, the next step is to create a logo. Naturally, no smart person would name a team the Browns, so they surprisingly couldn't come up with logo either. So what they do is just use a brown helmet. Good job Cleveland! Not creative at all, though a perfect representation of the team name(which in turn is not creative at all). Not easy to draw(that 3D helmet is not easy to draw at all). To boot, not good looking at all.

Dishonorable mention: Philadelphia Eagles, Washington Redskins, Minnesota Vikings

The other sports later...

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Loco Logos

James Dean, rollerblades, hockey stick guitars, records...this logo has it all.

Really, I can't believe someone in the head office doesn't take a look a their new logo and go: "Gee, you know our logo looks EXACTLY like a figure skate."

"Mommy...what are those two figures doing?"


Now there's absolutely no excuse for this one. That can only be a penis sticking out of the figure's front mid-section and that can only be a baby's mouth he's about to penetrate.

What do they even do at the pediatric center? Oh, never mind, it's right in the logo.

When the Empire State Building had butt sex with the sun.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Champions League Final

Final score: 2-1 for AC Milan over Liverpool.

Liverpool more or less controlled the game, but Milan took it by scoring on their both and only attempts. Filippo Inzaghi scored both goals and proved he was the man to play after much controversy over whether him or Gilardino would start up front.

As usual the Italians were up to their old tricks and were diving all over the place. The most notable one was when a Liverpool player had the ball down the sideline and tried lobbing it in but hit a Milan player less than 2 feet away. The Milan player instantly dropped and started pointing to his stomach like he'd been shot. He looked
like he had an alien inside his chest and it was about to burst out. Luckily for him, the extensively trained doctors in their suits and white gloves had the perfect cure for his terrible injury. Spray can to the rescue! He was up and ready to play in no time. The beauty of slow-motion replays really captures the retardedness of most dives. You can see exactly how they weren't touched at all and the amazed disbelief on the fouling player's face. A neat idea would be if the ref could look up at a screen in the stadium and determine if he dove or not, then punishing accordingly.

Anyway Liverpool was down 2-0 before dirk kuyt, who i despise and doesn't get the privilege of capital letters in his name, headed a deflected corner kick past Dida the goalie. Even the lanky bastard Crouch came close, but it was too little too late.

The whistle blew and the crying began. Wiping the sweat and grease out of their eyes, the Italians hugged and rejoiced before hoisting the trophy. Then they all put on their pink, open-collared shirts, gelled all their hair into faux-hawks, trimmed their stubble, piled into their miatas (not before chowing down on some spaghetti with Ragu), then headed off to the discos for wine and spirits!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Fed up

Okay Carson Palmer, that's about enough. It's like a rollercoaster ride with you.

These things keep adding up, and I must say, it's taking its toll on me.
I've decided to come up with a points system to keep track of things that Carson Palmer does that affect a rating i'm making up. A rating of 0 is alright. It means you haven't done anything bad or anything good to affect my view of you. A minus rating is bad, a plus rating is good. Fairly simple.

First theres your christmas list...

Wish list (quotes in brackets)[my quotes in square brackets]
1. The new Kevin Federline CD, Playing with Fire. ("A lot of people don't like K-Fed, but he's all right.") ["No he's not alright, he's a shit fucking asshole. That's a -10."]

2. A new tie rack. ("Even guys from Southern California wear ties.")["That's a dumb present.-2"]

3. A 10-point LTS crossbow. ("It's a new hobby of mine.")["Okay, that's cool. +7"]

4. Flavor of Love (Season 1) DVD. ("Flav is very smooth, and funny.")["Haha Flav is a retard and the girls on the show are the worst people on earth.-8"]

5. A pingpong table. ("Pingpong is fun and helps your hand-eye coordination.")[love ping-pong.+5]

Next there was the Carson Palmer's Cornhole Classic.

Carson set this up to endorse the game of Cornhole. The game of CORNHOLE. Basically horseshoes crossed with sodomy. you're throwing a bean bag in a hole. There's a link on his site and on the bengals web site. Whyyyyyyy Carson.[-4]

Of course, you can't forget how he came back from his injury. [+10]

Next, there's this ad that just came out for hot dogs.

That's another -4 for you.

Finally there's the heisman voting this year. As a winner, Carson receives the privilege of voting. He gets three votes, picking his top choice first and so on. So what does he do? He votes his brother in as the first pick....AND TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF with a +7. This gives him a +1 in my books. Good enough. GO BENGALS

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Jules Winnfield: Youth Hockey Coach

Friday, May 11, 2007

Laughable and Maddening Things

Things are all around us.

Here's a list of many things that can be funny, yet make you mad at the same time.

1. The Blue Jays season
Today the Blue Jays got stomped by the Red Sox. To top it off, B.J Ryan is out for the season. It really is quite funny watching pitchers like Frasor, Marcum and Downs pitch their 2 innings and see who can let in more runs. It's maddening because the Jays had gone out and got the neccesary talent to succeed. Without a closer and a solid bullpen, there's just no way the Jays will have a good season. Jason Frasor is not the guy to fill in. You can't be a closer if you can barely throw better than these two guys.

2. Cabbie on the Street
Honestly, I hate Cabbie. Going up to a famous athlete and essentially harassing them is not my idea of good t.v. All he does is wave his arms in front and around whoever he's talking to. The only way it's funny is seeing how uncomfortable he makes whoever he's talking to, and how oblivious he is to how much they want to punch him in the face. talking to David Ortiz... he says: How come you don't laugh when you smash home runs?" (leans in closer) and repeats: "when you SMASH home runs?" (leans in even closer about 2 inches from Ortiz's face) and repeats again: "WHEN YOU SMASH HOME RUNS?"

Why on earth they gave this asshole a job I'll never know.

3. Drivers who feel the need to drive as fast as they can all the time

Everyone drives fast. I do a lot of the time. When you're late as much as I am you need to drive fast.
But there is a common sense factor that is taken into account. When you see a light turn red, common sense would say take your foot off the pedal. You don't need to speed to the light then slam on the brakes when you know the light is red. It's funny because you know that if you time it right you can go through the light as soon as it turns green and beat the guy who speeds up to the red light and is stopped there.

4. Girl Bodybuilders

Actually I'd say bodybuilders in general. There's no point in looking like a freak.
Funny because they're all trying to compensate for something like small height or low-self esteem. And girl bodybuilders are so very creepy.