Sunday, December 27, 2009

To Pull or Not to Pull?

Just some semi-incoherent, point form thoughts about the Colts decision to pull everyone in today's game:

1. Good theory, horrific execution. I'm all for sitting down Peyton, et al. when playoff seedings have been locked down. One missed blitz pickup and the whole season goes down the shitter. But the timing couldn't have been worse. The way Caldwell (or Polian, or whoever ultimately made the decision) pulled the starters at a seemingly random point midway through the third corner was unbelievable. Why lead everyone to think you're going to go for 15-0 and then just pull the rug out from under them? Why not pull them at halftime or after the third quarter? The timing of the move was infuriatingly bizarre.

2. There was no reason to be so coy with the media. It once again comes back to antagonizing the fan base. If Caldwell or Polian had indicated that this was the plan for the week, I think most rational people would have understood. But when the offensive starters played the first series of the third quarter, it made everyone watching think they were going for the win. The air was completely sucked out of the stadium when Painter ran onto the field. I could taste the disappointment through my TV speakers.

3. There's something to be said about taking the pressure of being undefeated off the team going into the playoffs. But the way it was handled will turn the decision itself into a huge distraction. The media will have a field day with it. Net gain: zero at best.

4. Way to throw Painter to the wolves. The kid might be ruined forever. Not that he was ever going to be good to begin with.

5. This move sets up morons with an easy way to criticize the Colts should they lose in the playoffs. The old story of the Colts losing because they rest players couldn't be more wrong. The 2003 team killed Denver and KC before losing on the road to the eventual champions, the Patriots. The 2004 team again crushed Denver before losing on the road to the eventual champions, the Patriots. You can throw the "rust" excuse right out the window considering they won playoff games before losing. The 2005 team lost a pretty crazy Divisional game to the eventual champion Steelers, two weeks after James Dungy killed himself. I think the off the field issues and Mike Vanderjagt missing a 46 yard field goal had more to do with losing a close game than resting starters did. The 2006 team didn't have a chance to rest anyone and won the Super Bowl. Please note that the 2002 Colts couldn't rest and lost immediately. The 2007 team rested starters and lost to the Chargers. This team was really beat up. Freeney didn't play, Mathis was not 100%, and Clark played with a broken hand (the potential game winning pass bounced off a bandaged hand). Marvin Harrison coughed up a killer fumble in the red zone. Most importantly, the defense fell apart in the second half, after a fine first half. Rest was no issue. The 2008 Colts rested and got beat by Mike Scifres and a Gijon Robinson missed block in the fourth quarter. The game was played in San Diego even though they were 8-8 while the Colts went 12-4. Oh, and the Chargers got the 16th draft pick, while the Colts picked 27th. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Anyway, myth debunked.

6. It sucked watching Peyton and Reggie and Dallas just sitting glumly on the bench as they watched a chance at history slip away. They know you don't get a chance to go undefeated every year. It takes a few bounces, a decent schedule, and good health. The looks on their faces said it all about what they wanted the coaches to do. Having said that, people who I've read on message boards saying the players are going to quit on the coaches because of this move is the most retarded thing you could possibly say. Obviously these guys still want the Super Bowl.

7. I've also been in message board conversations where people have asked me: "If they lose in the Divisional round, will you still be ok with the decision?" Of fucking course I will, because if they lose, this will have absolutely nothing to do with what happened today. Keep this shit in perspective. The Colts still have as good a chance as anyone to win the bloody Super Bowl.

8. Whether it was Caldwell or Polian who ultimately decided that starters should be benched today, I must commend him for having mighty big balls. He had to have known that this would be looked upon with a critical eye, and that if the team does not win the Super Bowl, fingers will be pointed directly at him, however unconnected the two events might be. The easier decision would have been leave everyone in. If there are injuries, its just bad luck; if they lose in the playoffs, its the players fault.

9. Summary: resting people, smart. Benching everyone in the middle of the third quarter in a game you're winning while currently 14-0 after not making any real indication you were planning on benching everyone, stupid. I agree with why they did it, but it felt like a big middle finger to the fans. I personally am alright with it, but I don't blame Colts fans for feeling like the got jobbed.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Thoughts I Was Thinking About

-The hot new Christmas item this year is apparently Zhu Zhu pets. From my research on them, they're little mechanical hamsters that are programmed to respond to objects you buy them. So let's get this straight. Hamsters are fucking stupid and useless, and nobody actually wants one. They're substitutes for real pets. Zhu Zhu pets are substitutes for hamsters. That makes them doubly useless. I'LL TAKE 4.

-I shouldn't be surprised, considering hot Christmas toys in the past have been things like Furby, Tamagochi and Cabbage Patch Kids. Fuck you kids who want to take of robots. All I wanted when I was a kid was Lego. Easily the best Christmas present you could have given me. I should have been an architect. "Look at this cool base I made for my spaceship! This jeep has wings so I can land it on the spaceship too and AWW MAN I NEED A 4 BLOCK TO FINISH MY BASE WALL." Lego rules.

-The Littlest Hobo is hilarious. The 30 minute block of time takes me all the way back to 1996. The commercials are the exact same as they were back then. There's the Bodybreak ads and public service messages every single break. Maybe tomoorrrrrow I'll wanna settle down, until tomorrow I'll just keep moving on da da da da dooo!

-I just saw the Nike Soccer ad from last year. I love it. Watch it now.

-What's with the weird alcohol advertising going on lately? There's the ad we know and love, where the guy is running through trees exploding from the ground, but there's others. The Smirnoff commercial where they all play instruments in the sewer, or paint an old gas station black and party inside, or the Bacardi commercial where they make an island in the middle of a lake. Who among us is willing to go to that much work for one night of drinking? Not worth it at all. They must have been drinking too much Bacardi when they came up with that idea. "Guys, guys, guys...let's make an ISLAND, and party on it!!" I lost interest already, dude.

-Finally, something went my way in Yahoo Fantasy Football. I won by 2 once they made the day-after adjustments. I was out of the playoffs before, but now I'm in! Yay! Sorry for sounding like Mike Silver. "I bet the Head Coach of USCB Women's Basketball team, Lindsay Gottlieb will have trouble in HER league. BUT WHAT ABOUT MALIBU? He was 3 points up for the 2 seed. I told her to start Reggie Bush, and she did. I can't believe that UCSB Women’s basketball coach Lindsay Gottlieb did that. I think she'll take the 2 seed. By the way, have I mentioned my daughter's soccer team won yesterday?" I absolutely cannot stand Silver's Gameface.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Ode to Roy

I was going to write a long-winded paean to the majestic steed that is Roy Halladay, but I couldn't think of anything that hasn't already been said about the man. I wouldn't even be posting this if I didn't already type in that title. What a peach. Ode to Roy! Ha! Fuck, I'm good.

But seriously, Doc's the greatest. The best athlete I've ever had the pleasure of following, non-Peyton Manning division. The time he one hit the Yankees in September was the most fun I've ever had sitting on my couch alone on a Friday night. I have no doubt that he'll destroy the National League next year.

There's no point in evaluating the trade, since I don't know enough about any of the prospects rumored to be involved. It doesn't even matter who the Jays get back anyway. We're losing Roy Halladay. This trade is going to feel like a solid punch to the gut no matter what.

So in lieu of any analysis, I'll simply say this: Thanks for the memories, Doc. You'll be missed.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Can we not?

I'd just like to alert everyone that, even though winter is only 4 days old, I'm already extremely sick of the "So much for global warming, eh?" joke. All you assholes say it like you think you're the first person to ever come up with such a brilliant witticism. Please shut up. That is all.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Jokes Minus Jokes

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Corporal Smithson.

Corporal Smithson who?

Corporal Smithson, sir, with Marine Corp. It is my duty to inform you that your 2 sons have been killed in Iraq. I regret to inform you that they were forced to have anal sex with each other before being executed and dragged through the streets.


A chimpanzee, a lion, and a man walk into a bar. The bartender says: "What can I get you 3?"

The man says: "What? 3? What are you talking about?

The bartender says: "You came in with a chimpanzee and a lion."

The man says: "What are you ta...SWEET JESUS A LION!"

This noise startles the lion, who, out of instinct, immediately attacks the man, severing his arm and clamping down on his carotid artery in order to neutralize the threat. Lions are territorial animals and don't respond well to sudden noises or movements. Turns out some teenagers had accidentally let animals escape from the nearby zoo in their attempt at juvenile fun. One teenager was mauled to death, while the other 2 were charged with a variety of crimes. Not to mention they had the death of their good friend on their conscience.


What's the deal with airline peanuts?

The airlines have actually cut out airline snacks entirely, due to the harsh economic times. There do remain a few airlines that provide a very small bag of trail mix, but this is very high in salt and low in nutrition.


Yo mama is so fat, when she walks down the street, people point and say: "Is that a man or a woman?"


3 men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

They faced an extremely odd test to get into heaven that was solely based on quick wit, and not their life accomplishments or good deeds. It was an extremely unfair process, and all the families of the dead men were extremely heartbroken at this sudden loss of a family member.

Why did the pedophile get fired from his job at the steel mill?

Because he didn't provide his criminal record to the manager. When they found out, he got fired. A couple unfortunate clicks on the internet, and now he's essentially unemployable.


Did you hear the one about the extremely hairy man with an art history degree?

He has slowly come to realize his career choice hasn't been fulfilling at all, but he's too old to do anything else.


Thursday, December 3, 2009


I watched part of an episode of SNL last Saturday. And GOOD GOD, was that the most astoundingly poor decision of the night.

The first skit: and it had Gerard Butler sitting at his desk interviewing a guy for a job. They have a serious conversation for about 30 seconds, then Butler's assistant comes in. She makes these weird noises for and says "You're my boss huuuuuuuuhuhuhuhuh" and everyone in the studio starts laughing. Then Butler tells here to go away, so she does, but then she opens the door again and makes more noises, none of which I can tell are words, and leaves again. Everyone is laughing. Then she appears at the window, holding a dead mouse in her hand, makes more noises for a longer time period, then finally the skit ends.

Second skit:
Gerard Butler as King Leonidas. Unsurprisingly, everyone has their chests covered. I can't quite remember the exact details of this one, but the joke was that everyone was gay, and not admitting it. Rest assured, no funny lines used.

Third skit:Weekend Update. Some lady came on, sat there humming for awhile, while the audience gradually faded in and out of laughter. I guess it got funnier, then less funny, then funnier. Not sure how that works. Then I turned off the TV.

Bold Analysis: F - Fucking garbage. I have never, ever seen a show this bad. I had been lazily reclining on the couch when this came on, but by the end I was on the edge of my seat. I was enthralled by the shittiness of these skits. How can something this bad get made? It confuses the hell out of me. You're supposed to have a team of writers working each week to make a one hour show, and between all the stupid trumpets, advertisements, and dicking around, you need around 40 minutes of actual material. Writers, come up with 40 minutes of something MILDLY funny. Last year I thought SNL was on the upswing, but I was wrong. They've jumped into a canyon.

On a related note, the audience laughter baffles me. These things ARE NOT funny. People go into these comedy shows and just laugh at everything mindlessly. It doesn't have to be funny. They're at a show that is supposed to be funny, so they find everything funny. It reminds me of that time Jerry Seinfeld was on a late night show, and Michael Richards came on to apologize for his comments, and while he's explaining himself, the crowd is just laughing away. Nothing about it is funny, but everyone's laughing. Jerry has to tell the crowd to shut up. It's weird that people see something unfunny and just start laughing because of where they are. Something about that scares me.

Anyway, SNL is horrid. And everyone on that show should be shot. They rely on Digital Shorts to be funny, but those require elaborate setups and camera work. They can't make straight up funny skits. Kill 'em.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Well, That Sucks

It's the day after the Riders lost to the Alouettes in the Grey Cup, and everyone is sad. I've never experienced that sort of defeat. The last second soul-crushing loss is a unique sort of loss. I didn't read the newspaper this morning at all, and I plan on trying to forget about the Riders entirely until next season. I hope something crazy happens very soon so I can move on to thinking about that.

Also, good job dicks for ears. You won the poll. And I'm sure it didn't come down to voting on multiple computers at all. Ideas for next poll?

Friday, November 27, 2009

200th Blog Post Celebration

To commemorate this momentus occasion 200 posts of shitty blogging, we must celebrate. But first, let's take a look back at other historical events that happened on this day.

-Jaleel White, born in 1976.

-1991 - The UN Security Council unanimously adopted a resolution that led the way for the establishment of a UN peacekeeping operation in Yugoslavia.

-1997 - Bjork was admitted to the hospital in Reykjavik, Iceland, with a high fever. The singer was forced to cancel many upcoming dates due to a kidney infection.

While this milestone pales in comparison to those monumental events, I take solace in the fact this blog has lasted that long. Okay, party time!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


I can't decide what the dumbest part about this Google Search Suggestion is. Is the fact that the song "whatcha say" managed to get three hits in there? Is it the terrible fact that "what to do when your bored" spells "you're" wrong(meaning that more people CAN'T than CAN spell "you're" correctly)?

Anyway, I have to get back to making my fruit salad.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Good Morning!

When I wake up in the morning, I like to read the newspaper while I eat breakfast. In order of reading it goes sports, then the front page, the comics, and finally the entertainment section. My weekday breakfast morning ALWAYS ends one of two ways:

Scenario 1. I'm actually up early enough to peruse all the afore-mentioned topics, and I'll become angry after reading the entertainment section. On the other hand, I probably also was up early enough to make eggs or something awesome for breakfast. Morning = bad.

Scenario 2. I get up and have to rush out, eating cereal or toast and just quickly scanning the front page or sports. Whatever's open already. Morning = still bad.

You might have noticed that both scenarios ended in bad mornings. As it should be. I'm not one of those people that are grumpy, need coffee, can't wake up, etc. Mornings just fucking blow. You have a full day of tasks ahead of you that need doing. And that blows.

BUT, do you know what would make mornings in which I can read the entertainment section much more tolerable? If I didn't have to read SOME RANDOMLY SELECTED TURD BAG TELLING ME THE NEW TWILIGHT MOVIE IS SUPER AWESOME. I trusted Roger Ebert with my movie reviews. Movie reviews were meaningful! Now there's a different person every goddamn week, and usually 2 or 3 of them to boot. Ok, this stupid girl gave the Blind Side 3 out of 5 stars, and this dude over here gave 2012 3 out of 4 stars. You know what I give the newspaper and its movie reviewers? 2 fists out of 1 ass.

These people don't know shit about movies. Go read Roger Ebert's wikipedia page. I'll wait. Now look up Jay Stone, one of the regular dipshits that reviews movies. Find anything? Try Google.

This is straight out of his biography on the Ottawa Citizen website, and I couldn't believe how perfectly worded this was.

"Jay Stone has worked for The Ottawa Citizen for so long that he gets his 25-year watch this year. Fresh out of the University of Toronto, he started his newspaper career in 1971 at the Packet and Times in Orillia, Ont., as the worst reporter-photographer in the Thomson newspaper chain, and subsequently moved on to become the worst assistant editor at Southam Business Publications in Toronto."


"He became a film critic in 1994. His qualifications are that he has seen a lot of films and enjoys writing about them."

I think I can pretty much leave this post with that.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Shut up Silver

I don't give one giant shit about your moronic friends and their stupid fantasy pool.

In my vocabulary, Malibu is now synonymous with cock.

Your daughter's soccer team can go get raped.

Cal can eat shit.

Your Yahoo Search Words of the Week are incredibly idiotic.

NO ONE PERSON ALIVE reads all your lyric-altering garbage. What the fuck is that? Stop.

The Reading Royals? Do you seriously think ANYBODY cares about them?

Where ya getting flown out to this week? To the best game? Well LA DEE FUCKING DA. Good for you.

I'll do some Don Julio shots for you if you quit filling "The Gameface" with shit.
I hate it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bright Headlights. You Know What's Coming.

There isn't a more aggravating car accessory around.

I'm of the opinion that night driving would be significantly easier if all car lights were dimmer. I've driven around when there are no cars out and it's dark, and I can see shitloads better. I'm convinced that car lights have gotten to the point where the only reason you decide to buy them is to blind the shit out of people, or if you're an irrational idiot.

I see countless commercials for brighter headlights that show two things:

1. Driving down a forest highway and seeing a deer suddenly pop up in the headlights.

2. Driving down a city road and seeing a kid suddenly pop up in the headlights.

The first one is mildly realistic, although highly improbable. The odds that the extra space you can see in the dark actually prevent you from hitting a deer are very slim, and those go along with the odds of hitting a deer in the first place. Most deer collisions are either because the driver is staring mindlessly down the road not paying attention, or because the deer happens to be crossing the road at the same time a car is passing. They don't just stand on highways and stare down the road. Even if one did one time, the majority don't. Anyway, long point short, don't buy headlights so you can avoid fucking deer on the highway.

The second is just stupid. What are kids doing on the road at night anyway? Playing night baseball? Kids will never run into the street for no reason at night. Unless they're trying to put McDonalds cups full of nails in the street for you to run over with your car. If that's the case, RUN THOSE JIZZRAGS RIGHT THE FUCK OVER.

So I've come to the conclusion that the only people who buy bright headlights are irrational parents and dickheads(because what makes you look more badass than blinding people?).

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Yo, I'm Jim Caldwell, and I'm Allergic to Talking

Yo dawgs, it ain't like the hives be illin on my face, but they always gettin in the way of me doin my thang. I be tryin to hit up da clubs, and I get all these hoes all up inmaFACE. Back off bitches. I gettin hives when tellin bitches to back off. But the bitches don't stop, so I gotsta talk. JIM'S FACIN SOME BITCHASS CONUNDRUMS UP IN HEEEERE.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

NFL Week 9 Power Rankings

These ones come with even LESS details than before!

1. Colts
2. Vikings - I bet the Vikings would beat the Saints, based on no thought process. But I'm sure the logic is kicking around somewhere.
3. Saints - A Saints - Colts Superbowl would be fantastic.
4. Patriots - I don't know.
5. Bengals - Fuck the AFC North is good. It seems like the Bengals, Ravens, and Steelers will beat everybody else they play except themselves. The Bengals have a 2-game season starting this week, if they win, lock up the division and possibly a bye.
6. Steelers
7. Ravens
8. Broncos - I'll overreact to their loss. The Ravens crushed them, and I expect the Steelers would do the same. The Patriots would beat them if they played again, and so would the Bengals. Now that teams know what this Broncos team plays like, they can gameplan for it. The Broncos were almost like an expansion team this year, no one knew what to expect at the start. I expect the Broncos will remain around this spot until the end of the year.
9.Eagles - The Eagles WILL make the playoffs, and they are always a threat to go all the way, just like every other year.
10. Packers - Good team, they've just happened to play the Vikings(who rock) and the Bengals(very close game). There's no shame in losing to the Vikings, and the Packers are still a very good team.
11. Dallas - Homo can get them a couple big wins here and there.
12. Cardinals - They're obviously going to make the playoffs again, thanks to the league's shittiest division. That pisses me off.
13. Texans - Daniels is a big loss, but Walter can pick up the slack. Their defence is playing very good now, and they can sneak into the playoffs. Colts twice in 3 weeks won't be fun, but the Colts have lost a couple defensive starters, so maybe we'll get a couple shootouts.
14. Atlanta- They were able to make some very good defensive plays against the Saints that should have put them in winning position, but they still didn't win. They're a good team, but there's still some work that needs to be done.
15. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches - Still awesome. Can't decide if cutting them diagonally is better than right across.
16. Dolphins- Way to fuck the Jets up.
17. Jets - Way to fuck up.
18. Chargers - Like a worse version of the Texans
19. Bears
20. Panthers- I say the Panthers finish strong, possibly beating the Saints.
21. 49ers
22. Titans- Chris Johnson
23. Seahawks
24. Redskins
25 and so on. - I'm fucking done with this.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

New TV Shows on FOX

Can't wait for the new Wanda Sykes show. Looks so good. Seen the preview? She asks her sound technician if he's ever eaten a vegetable. HA! That will be the entirety of the show. She'll stand there, make sassy black woman jokes to and about everyone, and hilarity will surely ensue. So excited!

While watching the World Series, I also noticed that Seth McFarlane happens to be the owner of 4 shows on Fox. Family Guy, American Dad, The Cleveland Show, and now some sort of variety show called "Almost Live." I liked Family Guy, but not really anymore. I watched American Dad once, hated it. Never seen the Cleveland Show, and I have no plans too. They're all the same fucking show anyways. Almost Live will just be continuation of whatever you want to call McFarlane's "style." I call it "shitty," but to each his own.

Oh, and I've never seen Brothers, but it probably sucks dog cock as well. Strahan promotes it endlessly, which makes me want to see it even less. I have no respect for any company that insists on driving its product down your throat. Tease me, companies. Then I become curious about what you're selling, instead of feeling like I'm being raped with it.

*Wow, after re-reading that last paragraph, I can't even believe how sexual that got. I didn't even intend that. That might be the gayest paragraph I've ever written.

The release of Windows 7 has brought on a whole new onslaught of Mac and PC ads. In the spirit of being fair and unbiased, they can both go fuck themselves. So sick of the "Mac and PC" garbage, and equally sick of Microsoft's attempt to counter with "I'm a PC and blah blah I'm hip blah."

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Hmm...What to Hate...

How about people talking loudly in a quiet public environment?

Fuck you, people talking loudly in a quiet public environment. Ex. Libraries...and so on. I don't know any other examples. Fuck you.

If you want to go "ball wit some boys" during a break, fine. If you're "hittin up Sohos and Habanos" on friday, that's super. Guess what? I'M HUNTING YOU DOWN AND KILLING YOU, SO THANKS FOR ANNOUNCING YOUR WHEREABOUTS TO EASE MY QUEST. It's pretty simple. You're aware you're in a library, and you're also aware there are many people trying to do work there. So don't fucking yell at people right beside you and walk around yelling at people. I can't even comprehend how these people function in everyday life. It's such a simple consideration, and when I see someone who can't recognize that, it blows my mind. What kind of environment were you raised in? What do you when you're with your family? You're not at Habanos yet, SO STOP TALKING LIKE YOU'RE THERE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

NFL Power Rankings

Power Rankings are so arbitrary and useless. But THESE ones come with no real analysis at all! Yay!

1. Colts

Ain't no one stopping the Colts. They do whatever they want. It makes me pretty sad.

2. Saints

Every time Drew Brees throws the ball, he yells "DREW BREEEEES!!" They'll be the top team in the NFC. Look at their schedule. The Pats, and that's it.

3. Vikings

They should have beat the Steelers, and fuck the Steelers' defence. They're not "incredible" because Chester Taylor can't catch. He catches that ball, and everyone knob-slobs Favre and wonders what's wrong with the Steelers.


Just goes to show how fast a team turnaround can be. Really though? The shittiest defence last year, lost their franchise QB, AND drafted another fucking runningback, which they had plenty of in the first place.

5. Patriots

Assholes. I really hope something bad happens to them. However, I bet a divisional playoff loss is the actual outcome. Which is fine by me.

6. Bengals

I told everyone I knew all year that they would be good, and they are. Eat it. Looking at the schedule, if they can beat either the Steelers or Ravens again, I like them winning the division.

7. Steelers

I've given up on lifting the toilet seat up when I piss. I feel that I'm accurate enough to hit the bowl straight through. If I miss, there's nothing toilet paper can't fix.

8. Packers

They can beat anyone in the league if they can protect him and he gets the ball out quicker. Why are so many people Packers fans? I don't understand.

9. Ravens

The Ravens have switched, and their offense is now the good part of their team. Their defense is getting worked. I like them, but they'll need a lot of luck to make the playoffs.

10. Cardinals

What's with Kurt Warner's jersey? It looks so obscenely different from everyone else's in the league. Just get the cool-looking quarterback sleeves and quit it with this shit.

11. Eagles

RAIDERS! I won't get over that for awhile. Oh, and Michael Vick is fucking TERRIBLE. I can't believe he's on that team.

12. Cowboys

I like Tony Romo, but I also like seeing Tony Romo fail miserably. I'm often conflicted. But the failures are so much more spectacular when the postseason rolls around, so it's an easy decision then.

13. Texans

Their offense is deadly, I look forward to their second-half breakthrough. I feel like people who live in Texas outside of Houston who cheer for the Texans are considered gay. I don't know why.

14. Atlanta

Could make the playoffs because the NFC is pretty bad this year. Their offense can't be as anemic as it was against the Cowboys though, or they're looking at 8-8.

15. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

Use mozza cheese. Fuck. Those are some good grilled cheese sandwiches. Whoever thought of melting cheese on things is a goddamn hero.

16. Jets

I had started writing about Mike Silver's columns, then I decided it would take too long.

17. Giants
Ok, I think the Giants suck. Everyone was all "their secondary is the best in the league" when they played the Saints. It wasn't. They just played incredibly shitty teams. Yeah, you can beat the Raiders by a lot. Congrats. I say no playoffs for the Giants. AND WHY ARE THEIR JERSEYS SO TIGHT??

18. Dolphins

Chad Henne is our franchise quarterback! He's a great talent!....said everyone after he did good in his first game. What's that? One game proves nothing? No kidding.

19. Chargers

Oh yes, I love it. I don't expect them in the playoffs this year. No running game, no defense, good luck.

20. Bears

Oh Jay. Football players need to be more humble when they make career decisions. If you've got a great line and great receivers, take what you can get. The Bears offense as a whole is so bad. When Housh was searching for a team, he visited Minnesota, then decided against playing with them because they had a shitty quarterback at the time. I thought that was awesome. Lions beating them isn't out of the question.

21. Seahawks

I like figuring out little things that are sad about people. Like a guy I know wears a hat all the time. I've never really noticed or thought anything about it until one time I saw him without a hat, and he was balding. And I saw him mingling with younger people once in an unappropriate hat environment, and he was wearing a hat. Just accept who you are!! And shave it into a horseshoe already...

22. 49ers

Alex Smith is their new starting quarterback. Good luck with all that.

23. Panthers

I really like Jake Delhomme. His on-field antics are absolutely hilarious. His fried chicken commercials are equally as hilarious. I wish I could talk to him. Boy does he suck this year.

24. Jaguars

Who cares.

25. Bills

That's pretty crazy that they've only allowed one WR touchdown all Brian Hartline. I like that A LOT. They still suck. And Ryan Fitzpatrick isn't going to help things.

26. Redskins

I saw an NFL Films thing on Jim Zorn and Steve Largent last night. It was awesome. I hadn't known much at all about Zorn before he took the head coach job, and I bet a lot of people were the same way. He's driven a yellow Beetle to work every day of his life, he loves fake field goals and Steve Largent is his best friend. I love learning that kind of stuff. There was also a segment about Centers and Quarterbacks and their relationship. I could watch NFL films all day long and never get bored.

27. Chiefs

Larry's gettin frustrated!

28. Saskatchewan Roughriders

Great game against the Lions. Darian Durant is awesome, and I'm sick of people who want to bench him after a mediocre performance. He has one bad game sometimes and everyone gets all crazy to bench him.

29. Raiders

I hope Al Davis lives forever. He runs a football team the way I've run Madden teams in the past. Get whoever has the top 40 time, pay players whatever they ask, pick up whoever seems like they have the highest overall rating. If a quarterback has high throw power, you can just develop his accuracy. All Madden moves. I bet Al plays a lot of Madden.

30. Titans

Please start Vince Young. Him and Jamarcus can doom black quarterbacks for eternity. They will singlehandedly erase all the work Martin Luther King did.

31. Lions

Is this almost over?

32. Rams

At least this team seems to believe they are building toward something. In the meantime, they should have shipped off Bulger for whatever they can get. A rookie QB next year, couple other good pickups, and they could be 6-10. That's a step.

33. Browns

Being an NFL player on a really bad team would be the worst. It would ruin your entire year with sadness, disappointment, and injuries. And especially if you know that next year the team will be just as shitty.

34. Buccaneers

Finally. Time for lunch.

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Economics of Getting Wasted

BACKGROUND: This was a class assignment for one of my economics classes awhile ago. Cool beans.

Why would anyone opt to purchase a small case of beer rather than a big one?

When you purchase a large quantity of beer, you may not drink it all that night or on that weekend, but you'll eventually drink it. So why would anyone ever get something like a six-pack when the marginal cost per beer is higher than if you would get the largest case of beer available?

This not only applies to beer, but to types of hard alcohol as well. A large amount of people opt to purchase their alcohol in quantities of six beers or 375ml of hard alcohol. The economic option for anyone who engages in the regular consumption of alcohol should be to buy as much as they can when they are in need of it. One fundamental assumption of this study is that there is no difference in quality when purchasing alcohol in bulk, unlike other goods, such as fruits. A person saves money by buying large amounts of alcohol at the point that they need it, provided they have ample funds to do so. Say a person purchases six beers and 375ml of hard alcohol per week, and another purchases fifteen beers and a 750ml bottle of hard alcohol every two weeks. The second person's choice is much better. He saves money by not having to make the trip to the liquor store, thereby saving him the cost of time and gas. He also saves money because buying alcohol in higher quantities means a lower marginal cost per unit of alcohol.

Another economic situation within this example is the liquor store. The liquor stores realizes it is economic for people to purchase large amounts of alcohol, and the price reduction is clear when you purchase a larger amount of anything in the store. They are encouraging people to buy more alcohol because they make a bigger profit in the short run, and people realize they save money in the long run. Now what about the liquor store's profits in the long run? It seems as though the liquor store would eventually lose money. Logic dictates that if people are saving money from buying alcohol in the long run, the liquor store will lose money in the long run, but this is not the case. The liquor store keeps the short run profits up because people are constantly purchasing alcohol, until they grow too old. By this point, younger people have substituted for them. The consumer turnover helps keep up these profits. The liquor store's short run profits are also its long run profits, and people are still able to save money in the long run.

A reason why someone might purchase a small amount of alcohol is the opportunity cost of purchasing a large amount. When you do purchase a large amount of alcohol, depending on your lifestyle, you sacrifice your public image. People will assume you are an alcoholic or at least a heavy drinker if they see you with such large amounts of alcohol, when in fact, you're just an economist. The opportunity cost is how much you are willing to sacrifice your public image for the money saved by buying alcohol in large amounts. For many people in university, the trade-off is simple, because you're surrounded by people that value alcohol and saving money(no matter how much) over public perception. As we grow older, we associate in smaller group gatherings and public perception's value becomes much greater. The value of money, time and gas saved by purchasing large amounts of alcohol is often substantially less than the value of public perception for people looking to earn the respect of their peers.

The same opportunity cost is evident again, at the liquor store. There is a 3 litre unit of alcohol, called a Texas Mickey, that can be purchased in the store. Previous arguments show that this unit will have a marginal cost lower than that of a smaller unit of alcohol. However, this is wrong in this particular case. A Texas Mickey is an item that cannot be practical for anyone attending any sort of gathering, with the exception of a big party. People attending this sort of party will find it appealling, and these are the type of people that do not value sophisticated public perception. It should be recalled that the trade-off for public perception is the money saved. Again, this isn't the case. Since Texas Mickeys are very likely to be purchased by groups of these people, the marginal cost is still low per person because they'll split the bill, and they get the added value of the novelty of the item. They'll still have a low marginal cost, despite the fact that the Texas Mickey has a higher cost per unit of alcohol. That is why the liquor store is able to charge more for a Texas Mickey.

What we've seen is that it is economically feasible for someone to purchase large amounts of alcohol at the point where they need it. Someone who opts to purchase a small amount of alcohol values their public perception over the value of money, time and gas saved.

Backpacks with Wheels

I see countless number of Asian people at the university who have these fucking backpacks with wheels. I HATE them. Carry your backpack like everyone else and deal with the weight. Want to know why you're 120 pounds? Because you avoid doing even the most mundane tasks that could exercise any muscles you have. Fuck you.


I'm going to start this up again regularly. I'll recap the times I get drunk so I can remember them later, talk about stupid things, make fun of people, and talk about sports

Monday, March 2, 2009


This is kind of old, but so funny. Man I have to stop doing this crap when I should be studying...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

ohhhh MAN

Transformers 2 is gonna be SWEET.

CC out.