NBA Rules are Useless

Sadly, the most enforced rule in the NBA is one put in place by the commissioner because he's scared of black people. I think they're old enough to dress however they want. I don't even think 95% of them are dangerous in any way. Hell, they don't even have a guy close to Pac Man's league (although Ron Artest is trying). Instead, David Stern could start worrying about the lack of officiating during the games. Maybe that would get the black people to quit! Here's my list of shit they need to start enforcing:

1. Travelling: Now I know that calling this would mean a whistle every 5 seconds, but it's just ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I could take a 6-step approach to dunk the ball, and I'm white. Not only should they call it for dunks and such, but when they catch the damn ball on the perimeter they take 3 steps before stopping.
2. Early Entry on Free Throws: Okay this one is basically just because I hate watching Jason Kidd run in from the 3-point line before the guy releases the ball. If they called him for it every time, not only would he have 60 less triple-doubles, but the other team would make 10 extra free throws per game. Fuckin' cheater.
3. Offensive 3 Seconds: Not only is it unfair that Shaq is 150 pounds heavier than everybody else, but he's allowed to sit in the key for 12 seconds to get position. And to make matters worse for the defense, if they lean a little too hard on his back while they're getting elbows to the shnoz, they get called for a foul. P.S. It's not just Shaq that does it, he's just taken advantage of it the best
4. Moving Screens: Even though Steve Nash and Amare live off of them, pick and rolls are impossible to guard when the screener boxes out the defender. That's not a screen, that's bullshit. More bullshit is when the big man chest bumps the defending point guard the whole way down the court. Just because he has his hands in the air does not mean he isn't setting a blatantly illegal screen.

I blame female referees.

The NBA's Finest

Since nobody actually watches NBA games, I figured I would pick out the best ones and give quick recaps. Having only looked at a box score or two, these could be completely inaccurate and ridiculous.

Boston Celtics 96, Atlanta Hawks 104

With nothing but dignity on the line, Atlanta managed to pull off an impressive home victory against the surging Celtics. Both teams looked to the bench for a late miracle run to the playoffs, leaving all the tremendously talented players to watch this game from the sidelines.

Tyrone Lue was the high scorer for the Hawks with 26, which is embarassing considering it's Tyrone Lue. Gerald Green, the undeserving winner of the Slam Dunk Contest, scored 33 in a losing cause.

New Jersey Nets 96, Washington Wizards 92

I accidentally changed the channel during the Blue Jays game and found this gem. Now I didn't get to watch much of it because nothing beats a Josh Towers - Zach Greinke matchup, but what I saw cracked me up.

Since Gilbert Arenas got cut from the US National Team, I've hated him with a passion. I'm not even sure why, maybe it's because deep down I feel the numbers 0 and 00 should be retired by the NBA to honour Greg Ostertag. Anyway, without Agent Double Zero, the Wizards looked almost scared to shoot. It's understandable considering they're used to being yelled at if they don't look for Arenas before shooting, but it just made me so happy knowing the Raptors might get to play them in the first round.

As for the game, Vince Carter probably took a 5-step approach for a breakaway dunk, Jason Kidd disobeyed league rules as usual by running in early from the 3-point line on a free throw to grab the rebound (fuck him, his triple-doubles are all tainted!), and Antawn Jamison proved once again that he is the greatest Tar Heel ever.

Indiana Pacers 86, Philadelphia 76ers 90

Somehow both of these teams are still in the playoff race, which makes this game at least a bit interesting. If I was a player on either team though, I would be trying to lose to avoid an abortion in the first round of playoffs.

Now I refuse to follow a team that thinks they are better without Allen Iverson, so I'm not sure why Korver and Iguodala didn't play. Lucky for them, Indiana shot a solid 33% with offensive powerhouse Danny Granger going 2 for 17 from the field.

All Philadelphia needs now is for Orlando to lose the rest of their games while winning all of their own. Good luck...bastards.

Other Scores:

• Miami Heat 82, Charlotte Bobcats 92
• Sacramento Kings 112, Memphis Grizzlies 100
• Los Angeles Clippers 100, New Oklahoma City Hornets 103
• New York Knicks 69, Chicago Bulls 98