Monday, April 9, 2007

Blue Jays: Greatest Team Ever?

As I write this, the Toronto Blue Jays are tops of the East Division in what can only be described as an absolute butt-fucking of their rival teams. I will point out the obvious and say that this marks the certain end of the Jays playoff drought. No? Two words: Reed Johnson. Believe me. Just because he has a dick-duster doesn't mean he can't hit the ball.

There are probably some of you out there that might be the hypercritical type and argue that only six games have been played. Fuck you. Do you assholes know anything about baseball? Are you all retarded? Because no one knows more about this shit than me. Case closed.


I have three years of Yahoo! Free Fantasy League Baseball under my belt, and won once. Can't argue with a champion. So prepare to be educated.

The Jays have won four games...out of six. Serious. Might as well hand them the pennant. I predict they continue their winning ways and finish the season 108-54. That should be good enough to capture the division. Vernon Wells will end his campaign with 55 home runs, Reed Johnson should tally around 191 RBIs and over 50 stolen bases. That's pretty much good enough to get into the Hall of Fame right there. Roy Halladay will set the league on fire with 299 strikeouts. B.J. Ryan will barely miss Eric Gagne's saves record. Which counts for shit in my books. Finally, Gustavo Chacin will drive while drunk at least two more times, possibly killing a small asian familly.

These predictions can't go wrong in my opinion, and I think if you all do your research (Use: Blue Jays Stat Page, calculator) you will begin to notice that maybe my foresight is much better than you thought. Yeah. Thought so.


Jason said...

Nice work. I agree whole-heartedly. Allow me to invite you to celebrate Rememba-Rance Day with us in November.

queefersutherland said...

Ummm...109-55? They're gonna play 164 games this year?

bLiNdLuCk said...

Absolutely correct.

And A.J. Burnett will exceed all expections in his second year as a Blue Jay and miss less than 1 month on the disabled list.

Oh, and Josh Towers will have an ERA under 9.00 for the first month of the season.

Unfortunately there run at the playoffs will ended by the New York Mets in a shootout against the New Jersey Devils.

St. Chris Simon said...

Yeah I'm pretty dumb and can't count. 162 games. I wasn't paying any attention at all....tried to do that and right a term paper.

Anonymous said...

Good thing you know which "write" to use. Are you still "righting" that term paper?

St. Chris Simon said...

Fuck. Write.

There's not excuse for that shit. I should be embarrassed.

clock cleaner said...

you mean "there's no excuse for that shit." or possibly "there's not an excuse for that shit."

grammar police save the day again