Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Brett Favre: Keeping The Madden Curse Alive

All this talk about Brett Favre is making everybody - even those fucking cheeseheads - mental, but we are all forgetting one very important aspect of his comeback: it gives the Madden Curse a chance to continue. When EA gave Favraro the Madden cover, it looked like he would be free from a career-ending injury or yet another shit terrible season. Lucky for us, he has decided to test the Madden Curse this season.

I'm not looking for a season in which Favraro rides the pine for the Packers, either. That might be sufficient to justify the Curse, but I think John Madden needs to step up his game. Really fuck his shit up. Maybe a frothy-mouthed and disoriented Shawne Merriman can snap his neck. While Favre is walking off the field after a crucial interception (This one can only happen if the Panthers get him, which would have the added bonus of being week 1). Maybe Favre will throw a touchdown to an eligible lineman, then proceed to put said lineman on his shoulders. Vertebrae will fracture, his spine will compress, the lineman will fall on him. Everybody wins.

Maybe, just maybe, the Curse will really reward the world. Favraro will stay with the Packers, who will go 18-0 on their way to the Super Bowl (probably against the Dolphins). Of course, he will not have played in any of those games because he's an asshole. In the Super Bowl, however, with the game tied 2-2 and the Pack in the redzone with :15 remaining, Aaron Rodgers will have a chunk of hair pulled out by Joey Porter (naturally) and be forced to leave the game. It's Favraro time!

All he needs to do is get a clean handoff to Ricky Williams (high as a kite) so they can kick a game-winning field goal. But he sees a hole in the defense! Audible! He sends his only wide-out on a fade and underthrows him by 12 yards where, for whatever reason, Paul Soliai is waiting. As he rumbles down the sideline with time expired, Favraro is the only man with a shot at him (the guy weighs 355 fucking pounds). Soliai promptly stiff arms Favraro, compressing his spine and fracturing several vertebrae (again, 355 fucking pounds). While the Fins celebrate their championship, Shawne Merriman rushes the field and snaps Favraro's neck.

That John Madden is one crazy S.O.B.