NFL Week 9 Power Rankings

These ones come with even LESS details than before!

1. Colts
2. Vikings - I bet the Vikings would beat the Saints, based on no thought process. But I'm sure the logic is kicking around somewhere.
3. Saints - A Saints - Colts Superbowl would be fantastic.
4. Patriots - I don't know.
5. Bengals - Fuck the AFC North is good. It seems like the Bengals, Ravens, and Steelers will beat everybody else they play except themselves. The Bengals have a 2-game season starting this week, if they win, lock up the division and possibly a bye.
6. Steelers
7. Ravens
8. Broncos - I'll overreact to their loss. The Ravens crushed them, and I expect the Steelers would do the same. The Patriots would beat them if they played again, and so would the Bengals. Now that teams know what this Broncos team plays like, they can gameplan for it. The Broncos were almost like an expansion team this year, no one knew what to expect at the start. I expect the Broncos will remain around this spot until the end of the year.
9.Eagles - The Eagles WILL make the playoffs, and they are always a threat to go all the way, just like every other year.
10. Packers - Good team, they've just happened to play the Vikings(who rock) and the Bengals(very close game). There's no shame in losing to the Vikings, and the Packers are still a very good team.
11. Dallas - Homo can get them a couple big wins here and there.
12. Cardinals - They're obviously going to make the playoffs again, thanks to the league's shittiest division. That pisses me off.
13. Texans - Daniels is a big loss, but Walter can pick up the slack. Their defence is playing very good now, and they can sneak into the playoffs. Colts twice in 3 weeks won't be fun, but the Colts have lost a couple defensive starters, so maybe we'll get a couple shootouts.
14. Atlanta- They were able to make some very good defensive plays against the Saints that should have put them in winning position, but they still didn't win. They're a good team, but there's still some work that needs to be done.
15. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches - Still awesome. Can't decide if cutting them diagonally is better than right across.
16. Dolphins- Way to fuck the Jets up.
17. Jets - Way to fuck up.
18. Chargers - Like a worse version of the Texans
19. Bears
20. Panthers- I say the Panthers finish strong, possibly beating the Saints.
21. 49ers
22. Titans- Chris Johnson
23. Seahawks
24. Redskins
25 and so on. - I'm fucking done with this.

New TV Shows on FOX

Can't wait for the new Wanda Sykes show. Looks so good. Seen the preview? She asks her sound technician if he's ever eaten a vegetable. HA! That will be the entirety of the show. She'll stand there, make sassy black woman jokes to and about everyone, and hilarity will surely ensue. So excited!

While watching the World Series, I also noticed that Seth McFarlane happens to be the owner of 4 shows on Fox. Family Guy, American Dad, The Cleveland Show, and now some sort of variety show called "Almost Live." I liked Family Guy, but not really anymore. I watched American Dad once, hated it. Never seen the Cleveland Show, and I have no plans too. They're all the same fucking show anyways. Almost Live will just be continuation of whatever you want to call McFarlane's "style." I call it "shitty," but to each his own.

Oh, and I've never seen Brothers, but it probably sucks dog cock as well. Strahan promotes it endlessly, which makes me want to see it even less. I have no respect for any company that insists on driving its product down your throat. Tease me, companies. Then I become curious about what you're selling, instead of feeling like I'm being raped with it.

*Wow, after re-reading that last paragraph, I can't even believe how sexual that got. I didn't even intend that. That might be the gayest paragraph I've ever written.

The release of Windows 7 has brought on a whole new onslaught of Mac and PC ads. In the spirit of being fair and unbiased, they can both go fuck themselves. So sick of the "Mac and PC" garbage, and equally sick of Microsoft's attempt to counter with "I'm a PC and blah blah I'm hip blah."

Hmm...What to Hate...

How about people talking loudly in a quiet public environment?

Fuck you, people talking loudly in a quiet public environment. Ex. Libraries...and so on. I don't know any other examples. Fuck you.

If you want to go "ball wit some boys" during a break, fine. If you're "hittin up Sohos and Habanos" on friday, that's super. Guess what? I'M HUNTING YOU DOWN AND KILLING YOU, SO THANKS FOR ANNOUNCING YOUR WHEREABOUTS TO EASE MY QUEST. It's pretty simple. You're aware you're in a library, and you're also aware there are many people trying to do work there. So don't fucking yell at people right beside you and walk around yelling at people. I can't even comprehend how these people function in everyday life. It's such a simple consideration, and when I see someone who can't recognize that, it blows my mind. What kind of environment were you raised in? What do you when you're with your family? You're not at Habanos yet, SO STOP TALKING LIKE YOU'RE THERE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

NFL Power Rankings

Power Rankings are so arbitrary and useless. But THESE ones come with no real analysis at all! Yay!

1. Colts

Ain't no one stopping the Colts. They do whatever they want. It makes me pretty sad.

2. Saints

Every time Drew Brees throws the ball, he yells "DREW BREEEEES!!" They'll be the top team in the NFC. Look at their schedule. The Pats, and that's it.

3. Vikings

They should have beat the Steelers, and fuck the Steelers' defence. They're not "incredible" because Chester Taylor can't catch. He catches that ball, and everyone knob-slobs Favre and wonders what's wrong with the Steelers.

4.Broncos

Just goes to show how fast a team turnaround can be. Really though? The shittiest defence last year, lost their franchise QB, AND drafted another fucking runningback, which they had plenty of in the first place.

5. Patriots

Assholes. I really hope something bad happens to them. However, I bet a divisional playoff loss is the actual outcome. Which is fine by me.

6. Bengals

I told everyone I knew all year that they would be good, and they are. Eat it. Looking at the schedule, if they can beat either the Steelers or Ravens again, I like them winning the division.

7. Steelers

I've given up on lifting the toilet seat up when I piss. I feel that I'm accurate enough to hit the bowl straight through. If I miss, there's nothing toilet paper can't fix.

8. Packers

They can beat anyone in the league if they can protect him and he gets the ball out quicker. Why are so many people Packers fans? I don't understand.

9. Ravens

The Ravens have switched, and their offense is now the good part of their team. Their defense is getting worked. I like them, but they'll need a lot of luck to make the playoffs.

10. Cardinals

What's with Kurt Warner's jersey? It looks so obscenely different from everyone else's in the league. Just get the cool-looking quarterback sleeves and quit it with this shit.

11. Eagles

RAIDERS! I won't get over that for awhile. Oh, and Michael Vick is fucking TERRIBLE. I can't believe he's on that team.

12. Cowboys

I like Tony Romo, but I also like seeing Tony Romo fail miserably. I'm often conflicted. But the failures are so much more spectacular when the postseason rolls around, so it's an easy decision then.

13. Texans

Their offense is deadly, I look forward to their second-half breakthrough. I feel like people who live in Texas outside of Houston who cheer for the Texans are considered gay. I don't know why.

14. Atlanta

Could make the playoffs because the NFC is pretty bad this year. Their offense can't be as anemic as it was against the Cowboys though, or they're looking at 8-8.

15. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

Use mozza cheese. Fuck. Those are some good grilled cheese sandwiches. Whoever thought of melting cheese on things is a goddamn hero.

16. Jets

I had started writing about Mike Silver's columns, then I decided it would take too long.

17. Giants
Ok, I think the Giants suck. Everyone was all "their secondary is the best in the league" when they played the Saints. It wasn't. They just played incredibly shitty teams. Yeah, you can beat the Raiders by a lot. Congrats. I say no playoffs for the Giants. AND WHY ARE THEIR JERSEYS SO TIGHT??

18. Dolphins

Chad Henne is our franchise quarterback! He's a great talent!....said everyone after he did good in his first game. What's that? One game proves nothing? No kidding.

19. Chargers

Oh yes, I love it. I don't expect them in the playoffs this year. No running game, no defense, good luck.

20. Bears

Oh Jay. Football players need to be more humble when they make career decisions. If you've got a great line and great receivers, take what you can get. The Bears offense as a whole is so bad. When Housh was searching for a team, he visited Minnesota, then decided against playing with them because they had a shitty quarterback at the time. I thought that was awesome. Lions beating them isn't out of the question.

21. Seahawks

I like figuring out little things that are sad about people. Like a guy I know wears a hat all the time. I've never really noticed or thought anything about it until one time I saw him without a hat, and he was balding. And I saw him mingling with younger people once in an unappropriate hat environment, and he was wearing a hat. Just accept who you are!! And shave it into a horseshoe already...

22. 49ers

Alex Smith is their new starting quarterback. Good luck with all that.

23. Panthers

I really like Jake Delhomme. His on-field antics are absolutely hilarious. His fried chicken commercials are equally as hilarious. I wish I could talk to him. Boy does he suck this year.

24. Jaguars

Who cares.

25. Bills

That's pretty crazy that they've only allowed one WR touchdown all year...to Brian Hartline. I like that A LOT. They still suck. And Ryan Fitzpatrick isn't going to help things.

26. Redskins

I saw an NFL Films thing on Jim Zorn and Steve Largent last night. It was awesome. I hadn't known much at all about Zorn before he took the head coach job, and I bet a lot of people were the same way. He's driven a yellow Beetle to work every day of his life, he loves fake field goals and Steve Largent is his best friend. I love learning that kind of stuff. There was also a segment about Centers and Quarterbacks and their relationship. I could watch NFL films all day long and never get bored.


27. Chiefs

Larry's gettin frustrated!

28. Saskatchewan Roughriders

Great game against the Lions. Darian Durant is awesome, and I'm sick of people who want to bench him after a mediocre performance. He has one bad game sometimes and everyone gets all crazy to bench him.

29. Raiders

I hope Al Davis lives forever. He runs a football team the way I've run Madden teams in the past. Get whoever has the top 40 time, pay players whatever they ask, pick up whoever seems like they have the highest overall rating. If a quarterback has high throw power, you can just develop his accuracy. All Madden moves. I bet Al plays a lot of Madden.

30. Titans

Please start Vince Young. Him and Jamarcus can doom black quarterbacks for eternity. They will singlehandedly erase all the work Martin Luther King did.

31. Lions

Is this almost over?

32. Rams

At least this team seems to believe they are building toward something. In the meantime, they should have shipped off Bulger for whatever they can get. A rookie QB next year, couple other good pickups, and they could be 6-10. That's a step.

33. Browns

Being an NFL player on a really bad team would be the worst. It would ruin your entire year with sadness, disappointment, and injuries. And especially if you know that next year the team will be just as shitty.

34. Buccaneers

Finally. Time for lunch.

The Economics of Getting Wasted

BACKGROUND: This was a class assignment for one of my economics classes awhile ago. Cool beans.


Why would anyone opt to purchase a small case of beer rather than a big one?

When you purchase a large quantity of beer, you may not drink it all that night or on that weekend, but you'll eventually drink it. So why would anyone ever get something like a six-pack when the marginal cost per beer is higher than if you would get the largest case of beer available?

This not only applies to beer, but to types of hard alcohol as well. A large amount of people opt to purchase their alcohol in quantities of six beers or 375ml of hard alcohol. The economic option for anyone who engages in the regular consumption of alcohol should be to buy as much as they can when they are in need of it. One fundamental assumption of this study is that there is no difference in quality when purchasing alcohol in bulk, unlike other goods, such as fruits. A person saves money by buying large amounts of alcohol at the point that they need it, provided they have ample funds to do so. Say a person purchases six beers and 375ml of hard alcohol per week, and another purchases fifteen beers and a 750ml bottle of hard alcohol every two weeks. The second person's choice is much better. He saves money by not having to make the trip to the liquor store, thereby saving him the cost of time and gas. He also saves money because buying alcohol in higher quantities means a lower marginal cost per unit of alcohol.

Another economic situation within this example is the liquor store. The liquor stores realizes it is economic for people to purchase large amounts of alcohol, and the price reduction is clear when you purchase a larger amount of anything in the store. They are encouraging people to buy more alcohol because they make a bigger profit in the short run, and people realize they save money in the long run. Now what about the liquor store's profits in the long run? It seems as though the liquor store would eventually lose money. Logic dictates that if people are saving money from buying alcohol in the long run, the liquor store will lose money in the long run, but this is not the case. The liquor store keeps the short run profits up because people are constantly purchasing alcohol, until they grow too old. By this point, younger people have substituted for them. The consumer turnover helps keep up these profits. The liquor store's short run profits are also its long run profits, and people are still able to save money in the long run.

A reason why someone might purchase a small amount of alcohol is the opportunity cost of purchasing a large amount. When you do purchase a large amount of alcohol, depending on your lifestyle, you sacrifice your public image. People will assume you are an alcoholic or at least a heavy drinker if they see you with such large amounts of alcohol, when in fact, you're just an economist. The opportunity cost is how much you are willing to sacrifice your public image for the money saved by buying alcohol in large amounts. For many people in university, the trade-off is simple, because you're surrounded by people that value alcohol and saving money(no matter how much) over public perception. As we grow older, we associate in smaller group gatherings and public perception's value becomes much greater. The value of money, time and gas saved by purchasing large amounts of alcohol is often substantially less than the value of public perception for people looking to earn the respect of their peers.

The same opportunity cost is evident again, at the liquor store. There is a 3 litre unit of alcohol, called a Texas Mickey, that can be purchased in the store. Previous arguments show that this unit will have a marginal cost lower than that of a smaller unit of alcohol. However, this is wrong in this particular case. A Texas Mickey is an item that cannot be practical for anyone attending any sort of gathering, with the exception of a big party. People attending this sort of party will find it appealling, and these are the type of people that do not value sophisticated public perception. It should be recalled that the trade-off for public perception is the money saved. Again, this isn't the case. Since Texas Mickeys are very likely to be purchased by groups of these people, the marginal cost is still low per person because they'll split the bill, and they get the added value of the novelty of the item. They'll still have a low marginal cost, despite the fact that the Texas Mickey has a higher cost per unit of alcohol. That is why the liquor store is able to charge more for a Texas Mickey.

What we've seen is that it is economically feasible for someone to purchase large amounts of alcohol at the point where they need it. Someone who opts to purchase a small amount of alcohol values their public perception over the value of money, time and gas saved.

Backpacks with Wheels

I see countless number of Asian people at the university who have these fucking backpacks with wheels. I HATE them. Carry your backpack like everyone else and deal with the weight. Want to know why you're 120 pounds? Because you avoid doing even the most mundane tasks that could exercise any muscles you have. Fuck you.

Update

I'm going to start this up again regularly. I'll recap the times I get drunk so I can remember them later, talk about stupid things, make fun of people, and talk about sports

Hahaha

This is kind of old, but so funny. Man I have to stop doing this crap when I should be studying...

ohhhh MAN

Transformers 2 is gonna be SWEET.

CC out.

Riding the Pine

Whatever. It's cool. I don't even want to play, anyway. Pfff...I mean, he's got all the stress of proving himself, and I get to sit here and look cool. And boy, do I look cool. I'm gonna see if any hot chicks want a piece of this after the game. I'll just turn around and quickly scan the crowd and pretend I'm too cool to make eye contact with anyone. Gotta put a little water in my hair first...there. Here goes.

(turns around, quickly scans crowd with a very serious look, turns back around)

Sweet.

I think that went well. Tum ta tum...lots of people showed up today. Tum te ta te too... Boringggggggg. Hey, you, defenceman. Rough game out there? Yeah, looks shitty. Good thing I don't have to play...suckers. Ha!

...

Oh! Oh! Did you see that?! Did you see what he did? Like, seriously...you're starting THIS guy? DID YOU SEE WHAT HE JUST DID? Fucking hell, I'm way better than that... DUDE! COVER YOUR REBOUNDS! 25 ALWAYS SHOOTS LOW! Holy Christ let me play. I can't fucking take this anymore. STICK SIDE! STICK SIDE!

You know what? Fuck it. This is a lost cause. This team sucks, and if they're stupid enough to start this retard, they deserve to lose. It's a team game, you say? Well fuck you. If I can't be part of the team, then I don't have to care. I look cool sitting here anyway. I'm gonna do that serious look thing to the crowd again. Maybe I'll make eye contact with a hot girl this time.

(turns around, quickly scans crowd with serious look, turns back around)

I'm awesome at that. I love wearing all this equipment, too. Makes me look badass. I'm like a robot. NO! Like a mech. Yeah, a mech. Guhhh, that mech game sucked for Xbox. I think Batman would be a sweet game if they actually put the effort in. Like GTA, except you're Batman. How fucking cool would that be?

...

I'm cooler than Batman. Yeah, if Batman was out here on the ice, he'd fucking fall right on his fat ass. Batskates my ass. He couldn't save shit. The Flash would be pretty good at hockey, I think. Maybe the Green Lantern, too. I can't wait for that Justice League movie. The Flash is in that right? Hey, you, defenceman, THE FLASH IS IN THAT NEW JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE RIGHT? Hey, don't fucking ignore me, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME. Whatever...fuck him. Where's the Gatorade?

DAMN YOU Reverse Racism!

This is so dumb.

Watch commercials on tv. Look for a commercial that centers around 2 or 3 people...obviously, this is the vast majority of commercials. Now, the vast majority of THESE commercials are usually trying to be funny, making one of the characters a bumbling idiot or a fool.

This is the interesting part.

In 90% of all commercials like this, the smart and savvy person will be black. The fool? Always white. No matter what. There will never be a black person cast in a role that makes them look foolish. It's also weird that it is always the exact same setup. The fool HAS to be white. The smooth guy HAS to be black. Like not even asian or spanish. Ever. Always black. I have no idea why the smooth guy has to be black. Because black people are stereotyped as being cool? The exact same format will apply to so many commercials in all areas...NFL.com, Campbell's soup, Muchmusic, the new Xbox 360 Wrestling game, etc. I've seen about 3 different ones today. A hearty "fuck you" goes out to you, advertising.

This offends me not as a white person, but as someone who thinks society is just way too wrapped up in trying to not look racist. People so scared of doing anything to offend any minority, that they'll do the exact opposite, essentially coming out and flat-out saying: "Look! See? I've cast a BLACK guy in this role! See? See? HA HA HA! GUESS WHO ISN'T A RACIST!!" It's like the people who go out of their way to show that they voted for Barack Obama, just to prove they aren't racist.

They're wrong. All this proves is that they care way too much about the color of someone's skin. Back to Obama for a sec...if you voted for Obama, you better have fucking voted for him because you like his policies, his ideas, or his youthful vigor. I think he'll be an awesome president. But for any race, if you voted for him solely because he's black, you are mentally retarded. Anyway, back to this advertising bullshit. Seriously, watch for these commercials. They're on all the time. I know there's nothing really anyone can do, because people are idiots and they'll freak out if a minority is degraded in a commercial. So all I ask is that you just recognize that it's there.

And maybe write a stupid blog post about it.

DAMMIT, the toilet paper should be rolling forward!

(enters bathroom)

HOLY CAT-FUCKING JESUS!

WHO replaced the toilet paper, put on a roll with ONE PLY, and then PLACED THE ENTIRE GODDAMN THING COMPLETELY FUCKING BACKWARDS?!?!

I mean, I deal with shit daily. On the field, off the field, but this is the last straw. When Mike Singletary takes his spot on the shitter, that toilet paper better be in THE OPTIMAL POSITION FOR ASS-WIPING! I don't fucking ask for much around here. The least this whole fucked-up organization could do for me is keep the toilets in decently half-ass condition.

(shits)

Christ, these idiots know I can't see the bottom of the toilet paper when it's on backwards, and I fucking told them I like to be conservative with the amount of toilet paper I use.

DAMMIT!

I DIDN'T WANT 4 PIECES! THIS IS TOO MUCH!
Fucking hell...now I have to rip this into 2 separate pieces so I can use them later in my ass-wiping...gotta set them on my lap here...FUCK I HATE YOU WHOEVER DID THIS...ok got to get a 3-piecer this time. Got it....

(sheets fall off lap)

OH. MY. GOD. I HATE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING ORGANIZATION RUN BY A BUNCH OF BUTTFUCKING ASSHOLES I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS GARBAGE! A PISS COVERED FLOOR WITH MY PRECIOUS TP!

(reaches down to the floor to pick up dropped toilet paper, promptly falls over and knocks himself out on the stall door.)

(Vernon Davis enters, shit on his head.)

VD: Now we even, bitch.

Drinking

Why do I drink? Am I drunk right now? The answer to both those questions is a resounding "YES!" I think I drink(that rhymes BITCH)to have fun. BUT IS IT NECESSARY? NO! I can have fun when I don't drink, but really, not even close to as much. That's probably true in many aspects, but I'm tired. HOLY SHIT REMEMBER WHEN RICHARD FELL DOWN THAT HILL???? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA FUCK that was funny. Wow I'm really tired. I usually fall asleep on the couch every single weekend night, but I bet I can make it upstairs and brush my teeth. Yes, I think I'll be able to do that while typing here laying at a really awkward angle. AW Shit work tomorrow I'm gonna go work. FUCK. So in summation, keep it real.

I Like You...But You're Crazy

Funniest part of that movie...watched it over and over today.

Kyle Orton's Neckbeard has Career Day, Brings Kyle Along for the Ride

Guess who was 24-of-34 for 334 yards and had a 121.4 rating to go with 2 touchdowns today?

That's right. Kyle mawfuckin Orton. Of course, he played the Lions, but still. He's Kyle Orton. Frankly, I'm stunned he didn't run for 200 yards and throw another 5 touchdowns. He's better than he showed today, so hopefully he picks it up next week.

From the Yahoo Summary: Like many NFL players, Orton loves playing the Lions. “Yeah, I do for some reason,”

What a mystery! What could the reason be?! Somebody get Sherlock Holmes on the phone!

This was Jon Kitna's breaking news on Yahoo: "The Associated Press reports Detroit Lions QB Dan Orlovsky relieved QB Jon Kitna in the third quarter of the team's Week 5 game. He went 13-for-23 for 97 yards and one touchdown in the game. He set career highs in completions, attempts and yards."

Originally I didn't think anything of it, but how stupid is the last part? It's so dumb. I thought maybe he had reached milestones in all those categories or something, but not even close. Of course he reached career highs. Every time he completes a pass or even attempts one he's setting a new career high. Idiots.

Next: Fuck you Bud Light. You have "drinkability?" Let's get this straight. You have a product. You need to have a reason that people will choose your product over other similar products. So you made up an adjective to describe your product, and you base your entire ad campaign around it? Right...that'll work. And what does that even mean? I sure hope you can fucking drink it. It's a "drink" and I am able to "drink" this so-called "drink." That clears a lot up.

Every company should do that! Let's buy footballs from Nike because they're footbally. Choose Nintendo Wii over other game consoles because it has high levels of videogameliness!
OMG EVERYONE LETS GO TO BEST BUY AND GET 360'S!