Weekly NFL Rankings

Fuck the monday night game.

AFC

The pompous jackasses...

1.New England- Stupid awesome fuckers. They aren't unbeatable, but they're about as damn close as you can come to it. It's obvious their running game sucks, making them throw a lot. The thing is, the Patriots can throw all day long if they want to. We should all just sit back and enjoy the clusterfuck to the Superbowl.

2.Indianapolis- They are very good, and when Marvin Harrison is back and fully healthy, they will be able to challenge New England. After their slight midseason pants crap, they've come back to form and beat the very tough Jags. Manning gives the Colts the ability to win every week no matter who they play.

3.Pittsburgh- They have great defense, a tough offense, and Hines Ward's smiling. Tough to beat indeed. Like the Colts, they have no real glaring weaknesses. A game between them would be much like a battle between a turd sandwich and a giant douche.Very close.

The decent fucks...

4. Jacksonville- Solid. They would beat every other team in the conference except for the top three. It seems like they're really good, but Garrard can only make so many plays with Dennis "Penis" Northcutt and Reggie Williams.

5.A Whale's Vagina- They've rediscovered their offense, mainly LT. I think they'll really pick it up down the stretch. Or they'll collapse. This team can be really good or really bad. They could potentially take down one of the top three teams, but for some unk'NORV'n reason, they haven't lived up to expectations.

6. Cleveland- Their offense is very assiduous. Look that up, retards. Their defense is pretty shitty, but the Browns have the offensive power and ability to get into shootouts with other teams except the top three. They're a luckier version of the Bengals.

7. Tennessee- Their entire team winning apparently lies on a defensive tackle. If they make the playoffs, good fuckin luck.

You're feeling it, nice tits, nice ass, then the pants come off and you feel it. A bulge...

8. Cincinnati- If anything more could go wrong for this team, I don't know what that would be.

9. Denver- Champ is getting burned, the rest of their defense is getting run over, and their offense just ain't pulling through. Jay Cutler needs to be playing better, but at least Stan's dad thinks he'll be good someday.

10. Houston- They'd be better if Matt Schaub could finish just one game without being a fuckhead.

The shit slides down the leg...

11. Buffalo- I'm on to you Trent. You can't keep up this decent charade for much longer. I see your Bledsoe mobility and your spaghetti arm. Your team isn't that good and I don't like you or the rest of your offence. I do like your scrappy defence. And Marshawn Lynch. And Applebees.

12. Baltimore- C'mon Billick, you fired your best friend for THIS kind of offensive genius?

13. Oakland- Al Davis said he won't quit until the Raiders win a Superbowl. That had to have been a joke.

And plops onto the floor...

14. New York- Mangina's team ain't good at all.

15. Kansas City- Bad.

16. Miami- If touchdowns were cum, this team's defence would be a cum dumpster.



Dedicated to: Sean Taylor... and the sly couple in that Viagra commercial. They ditch going to a movie with their friends to presumably have sex. Recap: The couple seem to be all ready to drive to the movie after having met their friends at a restaurant (apparently). Then the SUV doesn't start. "Go ahead, we'll catch up!" the husband remarks. After they get back into the SUV, The audience then finds out the wife rigged the SUV to not start. The husband knowingly says "How did you know which wire to unhook?" The wife just looks smug.

What a pair. Why would they go to all the trouble to go out and get dressed up if they weren't planning on going out at all? Maybe they just didn't want to go to see that particular movie. It must have been Beowulf.

NFC later