Friday, December 7, 2007

Bryant Gumbel Seems To Be Retarded

When I watch a football game, I'm usually lucky enough to notice certain things like tipped balls, blocked kicks, interceptions, and the occasional touchdown. Bryant Gumbel, however, is not so lucky. He is somehow blessed with the ability to make you question things that you know you just witnessed.

On the Bears first field goal attempt, Robbie Gould's 48-yard field goal attempt was clearly tipped at the line, causing it to move in unnatural directions and stop at the 10 yard line. Or so it seemed. Gumbel tried to convince us that Gould is just that shitty of a kicker that he can't even get the ball to go 40 yards in a straight line. Luckily for him, modern technology exists and the producer was nice enough to show him a replay. During that replay, Gumbel - completely amazed by what he just discovered - exclaims: "That ball appeared to be tipped, Cris! It seems the Redskins may have got a hand on it!" Meanwhile, Collinsworth (thank God I like him at least) sat there speechless at his partner's lack of vision and common sense.

On the Redskins first field goal attempt (fuck you Suisham, pussy), Shaun Suisham's 47-yard field goal was straight enough, but landed about 3-4 yards short. Already pissed off that he didn't have the leg to kick a football 50 yards, I had to listen to Gumbel tell me that it was good. I don't know what the fuck he was looking at, but he actually made me think it might have made it. Turns out he was wrong again. Dumbass.

On countless other plays, Gumbel would just say the same stupid shit that confused me every time. He actually made me wish Tony Kornheiser did more games. On touchdown plays: "That ball appeared to be caught for a touchdown!" On 1st and 10 plays, after a guy would run for 18 yards: "They seem to be past the first down marker, Cris." Jesus H. Christ, it fucking happened! Nothing "seems" to be happening, it fucking IS! Get some goddamn judgment and tell us what actually happened on the field.

Except on field goals. Wait for a replay and think about it for a while.


Clock Cleaner said...

he's terrible.

every comment he made made me question what had just happened.

during the cowboys packers game he called the cowboys "packers" at least 10 times.

“Romo with time … Oh, and it’s in and out of his hands … Into the arms of Al Harris. (Long pause while he thinks of a witty zinger) …Well, look what I found!”

Well, look what I found?

Wally said...

he's just scared to make mistakes. he appears to think that someone like him will be tied to the back of a pickup truck by some guys wearing sheets. but that only seems to have happen in the past. it apparently doesnt happen anymore.

stephen said...

The thing that pisses me off the most is the "he appears to have the first down" one. Besides the fact that it's a retarded thing to say, it is doubly frustrating because he says it any time someone gets tackled within five yards of the marker.

If they could put someone competent in that booth, it would be the best one in football because Collinsworth is fucking nails.

Clock Cleaner said...

leave it wally for the racist comment...

on that note, remember when Gumbel said the winter olympics weren't a good judge of athletics because there were no black people?

Nazi Synthesizer said...

I'm all for racist jokes, but...

That was fucking out of left field, Marc. Did it even make sense?

Wally said...

who said it was suppose to be racist or even a joke. i dont even know who this Barney Grumble is, i would need to watch football for that. why is tying some to the back of your truck racist? they could be gay.