Sunday, December 23, 2007

5 Reasons Why MTV is Destroying the World

MTV is the worst thing (animal, company, corn products, etc.) ever. Here's why.


MTV puts shows like "My Super Sweet Sixteen" and "The Hills" on tv. What are they about? Snotty, slutty, rich girls who do whatever the fuck they want and generally act like bitches the entire time. Well...that'll help how people see women. The more girls see these fake actresses acting like morons, the more they try and imitate it.

" Oh my Gawwwwd, did you see Jessica was totally hitting on Jason yesterday, and LIKE DID YOU SEE HER TUBE TOP???"

The shows are about nothing. Fake, scripted lives that encourage zero thinking. It's putting your own life on hold to watch a fake life of someone else. MTV tries to make the viewer think they're watching a real important life and how "cool" people live their life. Let's all aspire to be retarded!
What is MTV? Shit. Plain and simple. They might as well have some guy taking a dump on TV for 24 hours a day. Hell, I'd watch that. At least then I'm not being fooled into thinking I'm watching anything more.

2. The guy that looks like Jake Gyllenhaal on those aftershows

First off, not only do they make stupid fake life shows that look real, they have shows on what people watching the shows think. Frankly, I'm surprised the people on the aftershow have discovered they have the ability to form coherent words using their mouths.

This "Dan Levy," as I guess he's known, host these aftershows. He leads these idiot conventions. So...Dan Levy, fuck you and die.

3. Required Thinking

MTV encourages the viewer to become wrapped up in scripted lives, using the aftershows to further analyze this pointlessness. It's like minus thinking.

Stephen King wrote a book called Cell, where a signal was emitted at once through all cell phones immediately in use at the time. This signal completely erased all natural instincts of the human brain, "erasing their hard drives." People who weren't on their phones at the time of this possible terrorist signal promptly got on their cell phones to tell other people about the crazy behaviour they saw, then got their minds erased by the signal. People, understandably, became absolutely fucking crazy and stupid.

MTV is that signal.

Not only does it fuck up your mind, it fucks it up so much you become dumber by watching it.

4. Lack of sports

There's no sports. In fact, if there was ever anything opposite to sports, it would be MTV. MTV is to sports what David Wells is to dieting. They're just that far apart.

MTV encourages distractions from the things that matter, namely sports.

5. The tangled web of influence

MTV should be watched solely by girls between the age of 13 and 20. Anyone outside of that group should either be:

a. a pedophile trying to learn how to talk like teenage girls

b. someone who, while flipping through the channels, saw a girl in a bikini and stopped to check her out.

The thing is, this influence on teenage girls extends to the people around them. Girls watch shows like "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills." The girl's perception of the right guy becomes some open-collared, muscly-armed douchebag that looks like a 25 year-old no matter what age they are. Now obviously women can control guys, so they'll shape the guy to their liking, making the guy into a different person. This new image starts to wear off on other guys as they see that these douchebags get the girls. The virus spreads from there.

God I hate MTV.


Nazi Synthesizer said...

Dan Levy is Eugene Levy's kid. Anyone know that?

I guess he's following his father's footsteps of saying 'yes' to anything that comes his way.

At least Eugene was on SCTV and Christopher Guest movies. Dan has hosted a retarded show on MTV.

Clock Cleaner said...

ah, knew that, forgot to put it in.

what is with eugene levy and the american pie franchise? can you call a movie "american pie" as long as Levy has a role in the movie?

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Yeah its kind of pathetic. They are going to have offshoots of those movies 10 years from now and you know Eugene Levy will still be in them. Even if he is mildly funny, you just ignore it immediately because you realize how sad it is that he's still doing the same thing over again 20 fucking times.