Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Oh No

This week in the NFL there were many games that were decided on dumb rules.
Ben Utecht fumbled that ball. Colts win.
Winslow was forced out. Buzzsaw wins.
Gaffney didn't have control. Fuckheads win.
Joe Gibbs is an idiot. Bills win.

I propose some changes around the NFL. They might not necessarily help anything, but they'd certainly be better for the NFL.

-Yellow Footballs. Just think about that. Try to wrap your small brains around that idea. It’s remarkable. Yellow Footballs!

- Four point conversions. (Self Explanatory)

- Expansion teams in every area code. Why wouldn’t we have a 280 team league? There is literally no good reason not to.

- Have cheerleaders cheer in the aisles. I'm sure the Jets fans would approve.

- 3D something. I haven’t decided yet, but definitely 3D.

- No New England Patriots. Because they ruin the NFL for everyone who likes a team besides them.

- Mandatory touchdown celebrations. Whichever team does the best one gets three extra points.

- Landmines. Think about it..."He's all alone! No one can catch him! It'll be a touchdo...NO! He's stepped on a land mine! The Chiefs are racing over to recover the ball! What a game!"

- $5 Trough Fist. Every game will have a trough of all the great food they serve ground up into one cornucopia of awesomeness. For five bucks you can reach in and grab as much as you can fit in your fist.

Let's see some more in the comments. Don't be shy.


Isaak said...

Those rules were bad...not even really that funny. I might actually cry. Plus, Gaffney did catch that ball, but whatever makes you happy.

stephen said...

Gaffney's catch wasn't really obvious or anything...he had it with his fingertips. But I guess it wasn't moving around enough to say he didn't have it. I would have overturned it.

Did anyone hear how Samari Rolle accused that ref of calling him "boy"? I just read somewhere that the ref was also black. So I guess that makes the ref the first real life black white supremacist...pretty cool.

Clock Cleaner said...

stephen. that is VERY cool.

Clock Cleaner said...

hey look! Some parents must have already read this article. They've started to implement land mines in girls' soccer games to spice them up. Yeah, like girls' soccer needed any more spicing up.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

It wasn't bad Lindsey. Funnier than most of Riley's writings. But, I guess we can't really talk...since he outproduces us by a pretty big margin. Mostly me. That NHL preview...didn't happen. Don't know why, just forgot.

Yeah I heard about that Rolle ordeal. Pretty stupid if you ask me. I don't get when stupidly rich African American sports players bitch about that kind of thing...or any race. Like the "insult" (I say insult in quotations because half the shit that gets said wouldn't offend most of anyone who actually heard it....ever) was comparable to what his ancestors went through. Fucking thinks he's Rosa Parks or something.

If so, then I guess that ref is a real life Clayton Bigsby.

Clock Cleaner said...

lindsey. how about you post something for once. dickhead.

Isaak said...

Hahaha I'm way too lazy and unoriginal to think of anything, so no thanks.

As bad as it might sound, I've always thought that they use the whole "i want to be treated better for what happened before my time" thing too much. Sure it sucked a lot of ass FOR YOUR GRANDPARENTS, but how can you even complain now? Do people walk into your house while you're sitting on your couch, take your kids, then sell them to fat, stupid rednecks? Of course there's still racist people who try to "oppress" you, but it's not like back then where they could beat you half to death and nobody would care. Fuck I hate political correctness...everybody should just say whatever the fuck they want and nobody should feel personally affected by it.

Clock Cleaner said...

you see stories today of places that can't put up christmas trees and have to call christmas "x-mas" or just "winter holidays." it really is all bullcrap.
universities have all these special scholarships and different awards for people that are "different." Fucking shit.

Even with the Don Imus thing, he says "nappy-headed hos". well la-dee-fucking-doo. Who gives a shit? How are those women scarred for life (as a couple said) because of that?

ANOTHER thing. in the nfl they have a policy of talking to at least one black guy when they want to fill a position. Gay. Whoever is a better coach gets the job. Who gives a shit if they're black or white.

Political correctness really is bullshit.

stephen said...

Yeah, that Christmas thing really bothers me, especially because Christmas is pretty much a completely secular holiday now anyways.

And yes, reverse discrimination is complete bullshit. I heard that they won't even hire you as a cop right now if you're a white male. So they're going to turn down people who might be better at the job because they aren't the right race/gender. Thanks a lot, that really contributes to the overall feeling of public safety.

Isaak said...

Oh good call on the black coaching job offer. That is completely ridiculous and should actually offend black people more than straight up racism. I would feel like such a piece of shit if a team was only interviewing me because they basically felt sorry for me, and I would immediately tell them to go fuck themselves.