Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Your Soccer Rundown

To catch you up to date with soccer happenings, here's a lil rundown of world events.

First, you got the Champions League. They're in the Round of 16 right now, with 4 teams of the Round of 8 decided today. Here they are.

Arsenal vs. AC Milan

Arsenal advanced to the round of 8 after defeating Milan 2-0 in the second leg. The game was poised to go into overtime until the 84th minute, when Fabregas sent a bouncer into the corner of the net from the top of the 18 yard box. Their second goal was just a result of Milan trying desperately to score a goal at the other end.

I guess Arsenal deserved to go through, but it's tough to say one deserved it more than the other when they're equally matched through 2 games until one team scores a lucky one right near the end. I had no qualms about this game's result, so I ended up cheering for Arsenal because AC Milan's jerseys are stupid and ugly.

Barcelona vs. Celtic

This game pretty much had a pre-determined outcome after Barcelona beat Celtic 3-2 in Glasgow, meaning Celtic would have to win by 2 in the second leg in Barcelona. Considering how good Barcelona is, a win just wasn't gonna happen. Barcelona won 1-0. I like Barcelona, but I like Celtic more. Celtic just doesn't have the star power to compete with a pwnasaurus like Barca.

-Editor's note here: I remain convinced that soccer is far and away the worst sport to take pictures of. You cannot take a picture of a free kick, a header, a tackle, or a shot without everyone in the picture looking like a retard. No other sport comes close.

Sevilla vs. Fenerbahce

This would have been a good game to watch. It even went to penalties because the aggregate score was 5-5 between the two games. Fenerbahce won, but they won't make it much farther. Losers.

Man U vs. Lyon

Another good game, but as expected, Manchester United advanced. Lyon hung in there, but Man U is just too good. Man U won 1-0 and advanced 2-0 on aggregate.


Now on to the World Rankings.

Canada is ranked 58th in the world. Considering it's been ranked in the 100s in recent years, I guess we'll take what we can get. Still, fuck that. 58th? That's bullshit. Guess who's 59th?

Bosnia-Herzegovina. Fucking BOSNIA. Remember them? Slobodan Milosevic, the butcher of the Balkans? Massive Civil War? Thousands of land mines? Ring a bell? It should. Bosnia-Herzegovina now has just over 3 million people. Canada has 30 million people.

Cripes! All the Bosnian team (if they can even find a team) has to play against is a team of landmines. And landmines don't lose!

Teams ahead of Canada include Wales, Lithuania, Mali, Slovakia, Moldova, etc. Fucking Moldova.

Whatever Slovakia, Canada can still beat you at hockey. So shove your soccer ranking up your ass!
-Editor's note: No one gives a shit about hockey except Canadians

The US is down to 26th, which isn't bad, but they were ranked in the top 15 for quite awhile so thats kind of a downer.

If you're looking for a laugh, check out garfield without garfield. It's hilarious!


Nazi Synthesizer said...

Milosevic was a Serb and the former President of Serbia/Yugoslavia. Not Bosnian, which I think you're trying to imply. Albeit, it was the Serb Bosniaks, Croats, Albanians, and Serbians who were committing the genocide on their own countries. I guess that is a civil war. More so genocide. By way of ethnic cleansing.

Fun times.

Also, yeah..a lot of countries do care a lot about hockey. Not just Canada. We care the most, but I think there are millions upon millions of Europeans who would kick you in the balls for saying that they don't care about hockey. Probably more than 30 million in total. I don't doubt that we are the most loyal and passionate hockey fans. But saying that we are the only ones who care about the sport just doesn't add up.

Wally MS said...

Glory, Glory Man United!!
That being said, I can't see them winning the whole thing. They haven't won the Champions League since 1999 and aren't good at closing out international competitions. They are still going to win the Premiership though. My money would have been on Barcalona, but with Messi out for six weeks, it don't see him being much of a factor when he comes back. As much as it pains me to say it, my money is on Arsenal.

An interesting side note: I watched Football Factories (some British guy going around Europe meeting club firms{hooligans}) on The Score on Sunday. He was in Turkey and Fenerbahce's Kill For You frim was one of the ones he talked to. These guys were the less intense of Turkish football, but they were still nuts.

Football Factories is on after the EPL games on The Score Sunday Mornings. It's pretty sweet.

Clock Cleaner said...

Not that many people like hockey.

But what I should have said instead is that Canada is absolutely fucking bonkers when it comes to hockey. Take the WJHC. God that was embarrassing. Other countries must look at us, saying: "relax dude, they're one gives a damn besides you" I'm pretty sure the attendance rate in the Czech Republic was 100% canadian.

Fuck, I'll make a post about it.

PigBearMan? said...

Don't. I'm siding with Nazi every time when it comes to hockey debate between you two.

Clock Cleaner said...

haha you think your opinion on a topic will affect me posting something? Idiot. I do what I want.

I'm making a post about the popularity of hockey sometime. I'm not getting into a giant debate about it in the comments. With Nazi as a hockey lover and you as a Nazi cock lover, everyone would stick to their argument, and it would go nowhere.

Let me elaborate. I'm making a post stating either side of how popular hockey will be in the future. I don't hate hockey. I played it for 9 years. I don't really like watching it, but I don't particularly like watching soccer either. It's not a debate, it's my opinion. So fuck yourself, asswipe. I hope you choke on Nazi's cock.

PigBearMan? said...

Should have put all that hate into your post...might make it worth reading.

Wally MS said...

Your treading on thin ice
cock cleaner. It takes some balls to criticize Canadians for liking hockey too much. Anyways where is the problem in enjoying the sport of hockey and more importantly being patriotic and supporting your country on the world stage. Hockey is one of the only sports where you can do that, besides curling. But lets face it curling just doesn't get the juices flowing like hockey.

So to sum it all up Fuck You for not liking hockey and supporting Canada. I believe that makes you a terrorist.

Can we have Nazi lovers?

Clock Cleaner said...

oh i bet you're salivating in anticipation of my post aren't you? Odds are that it's not very good

Wally, I want to just delete your comment to spare you your dignity, but I don't have the time.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Riley. You are stupid for thinking there are no hockey fans besides Canadians. Case closed.

There are probably some equally retarded Americans who think the same way about themselves and the NFL. Yet we all love it.

So...lick my pouch.

The Manute Bol Experience said...

Hate to nitpick, but Arsenal clearly deserved to win that game. They dominated for long stretches in the second half. The goal was kind of lucky but Cesc did hammer the crossbar earlier so I'd say he deserved it.

In other news, it bears mentioning the Messi is out 6 weeks with a torn quad. I wouldn't be so quick to pick Barca now, or to dismiss United, Marc. They are my pick.

I don't think Riley ever criticized Canadians for liking hockey either. He implied other people criticize Canadians for liking hockey.

Clock Cleaner said...

jordan. way to completely twist my words around. Twat.

Yeah Man U is a solid pick. Chelsea should also be up there.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

What the fuck? How did I twist your words?

"I'm pretty sure the attendance rate in the Czech Republic was 100% canadian." one example

There are plenty of European hockey fans. That's what I said. No word twisting. Fucker.

Clock Cleaner said...

Yes word twisting.

"You are stupid for thinking there are no hockey fans besides Canadians"

I don't remember saying that. In fact, it's almost as if you took what I had said before, somehow "twisted" the words around, and made what I actually said seem stupid. Weird.

I never stated there are no hockey fans outside of Canada, nor did I imply it.

With regards to your example, that doesn't at all mean that I think there are no hockey fans outside of Canada.

Wally MS said...

I said I didn't pick Barca because of Messi and I just don't ManU winning. I obviously want them too. Another soccer update, Bayer Leverkusen is another step closer to advancing to the UEFA Cup quarter-finals after a 1-0 result against Hamburg. I know the UEFA Cup is not as pretigious but Bayer is awesome, and they have a chance at winning a European trophy, which is a big deal. Also they are going to be in the Champions League next year.

Wally MS said...

Now for the good topic. Riley 100% criticized Canadians for liking hockey. He called it embarassing that it was 100% Canadian fans in the Czech Republic. I call that fucking awesome. Why should we be embarassed to show how much we love Canada, hockey, and kicking the shit out of everyone else in hockey, especially juniors?

And yes Riley you did imply that there are no other hockey fans except Canadians by saying we were the only ones at the WJHC. That implies that we are the only country that cares about hockey.

No word twisting anywhere in there. I think you need to apologize to Jordan for being such a winy little bitch and accept that you are wrong.

PigBearMan? said...

Riley, eat your words. That clearly implies that there are no fans in the Czech Republic. You could have said 50%...that would have still been impressive for Canadians to pull off and would save you from looking retarded. Maybe.

Clock Cleaner said...

God you guys are really dumb. Has everyone lost their sense of logic here?

If you take me saying: "Canadians were 100% of the attendance at the WJHC" to mean that I think there are no hockey fans in europe, you're absolutely retarded. It doesn't follow at all. Why in God's name would I think Europe had no fans?

It means that Canada basically filled the place everytime, and barely anyone showed up to watch any of the other games. It was embarrassing to see Canadians as the only people that cared. It's called a slight exaggeration to get the point across. Obviously it wasn't 100% canadian, but I didn't think I'd be dealing with a bunch of morons I had to explain everything to.

Clock Cleaner said...

A Logic Lesson by Clock Cleaner

I would also like to take this opportunity to show that you are all indeniably and unequivocally wrong(except MBE, you've been spared this logic lesson)

What you've done is committed the Fallacy of Composition. This happens when you draw a conclusion about a whole based on the features of its constituents, when in fact no justification is provided for the inference.

It looks like this:

1. The parts of the whole X have characteristics A, B, C.
2. Therefore the whole X must have characteristics A, B, C.

Applied to our problem:

1. Czech Republic, a part of Europe, has no hockey fans.
2.Therefore, Europe has no hockey fans.

This sort of reasoning is fallacious because it cannot be inferred that simply because the parts of a whole have (or lack) certain properties that the whole has those properties.

Other examples: A girl's hand is beautiful. Therefore the girl is beautiful.Atoms are colorless. Cats are made of atoms, so cats are colorless.


So even if I had meant that there were no hockey fans in Europe (which I did not mean, and that's preposterous), you'd STILL be wrong by way of your reasoning. You're wrong on two levels. That makes you retarded.

There you go. Suck it.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Riley, logic aside...we know what you meant. You were implying that the only people who would go to a hockey game outside of Canada is Canadians. I said there are many, many more hockey fans in the world, besides Canadians. Yet you said I was twisting your words. If you need logic (besides, that class is horseshit...if anyone analyzed statements to death like you do in that class, you'd be called a fucking nerd) to defend something simple like that...thats lame.


100% of Czech hockey attendance is Canadian = no Czech attendance

Czech attendance, in your statement, was most likely implying all European fans. If not, why are you even talking about the Czech Republic in the first place? Are you doing a survey on the Czech attendance at hockey games?

This (logically) implies that your statement's purpose was to express that you think that no Europeans (especially czechs) would attend a hockey game. Which would then imply that they are not hockey fans. Not true.

Clock Cleaner said...

you're an idiot.

None of that made sense
I "most likely" implied european fans? Well, I didn't. So you're wrong.

How do you imply a statement's purpose?

And I was talking about the WJHC. Not all Czech hockey attendance in general. Your argument doesn't apply at all. Once again, you've pretended I've said something to support your argument.

Please stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

And way to show up to curling on saturday.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Man, everyone is in agreement, you're the one who embarrassed yourself.

If you didn't imply that, then I'll be sure to forward all my Czech hockey attendance questions to you. You seem to be the expert.

I know you were talking about the WJHC. You're still wrong.

...and fuck curling.

Wally MS said...

I would just like to point something out to you Riley: on your original post on the blog you stated "no one gives a shit about hockey except Canadians". So you can shove your logic up your pee hole. Just accept the fact that you were wrong and we might reconsider beating your ass with soap in pillowcases.

Clock Cleaner said...


I mean...

Wow. I'm flabbergasted.

You really are retarded. I've provided an argument to show that you're idiots, and all you can say is:
"No, logic means nothing. You're wrong."

I hope you fucking die, you fucks.

Clock Cleaner said...

It's weird 90% percent of the comments here apply in some way to one single line in the post. Who knew a bunch of retards would get so worked up over it?

Wally, you should use that soap to clean your sister's vagina instead. It stinks. BAD.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

No one is shitting on logic right now Riley. Just you. For trying to use it to back up your comments that were not complicated to understand at're just trying (and failing) to use logic to back up comments that were impossible to back up in the first place.

Plus, I think you're the one getting worked up. Whipping out the unfounded retard comments for no reason.

I can agree with you on one thing. I bet her vagina does smell rotten. But what would possess you to get involved with that vagina in the first place?

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Clock Cleaner said...

My logic was impeccable(I dare you to find a fault in the logic I used), and don't feel sad because I'm calling everyone retards. Saying "retard" is like crack to me.

As for the vagina, it was actually more like a rugkazbah, but it was unintentional. I was making my move on Wally's mom when his sister came home. Naturally, she wanted some penis popsicle as well, and started whining when I refused. I just felt bad for her, I guess.

PigBearMan? said...

You really are retarded. I've provided an argument to show that you're idiots, and all you can say is:
"No, logic means nothing. You're wrong."

Providing an argument that you find valid does not make you correct. When you say that there are no hockey fans in a country that won bronze in the '06 Olympics (gold in '98, but that's old news), and four gold medals in the last 9 years at World Championships, it's safe to assume that YOUR logic is off. We might need a logic lesson, but you just need to use your fucking braing.

Clock Cleaner said...

Fuck off.

For the last time, I never said there were no hockey fans in the Czech Republic. Get that through your head you fucking moron. CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

I said "I'm pretty sure the attendance rate for the WJHC was 100% Canadian." Like I've already said before, I meant that Canadians were the only people who really cared about the WJHC. NOT implying there are no hockey fans in Europe. I used a slight exaggeration to get my point across.

PigBearMan? said...

OK you're disagreeing with me, but then you support what I said.

"For the last time, I never said there were no hockey fans in the Czech Republic."

If 100% of the fans are Canadian, then what percentage does that leave for Czech Republicans to attend the games? Is it above 0%? If not, that may mean that there are ZERO CZECH FANS.

Once again, don't tell us we're twisting your words if you're the one fucking them up to begin with.

Clock Cleaner said...

Are you reading the first line of my comments then posting your comment?

Copied and pasted from my previous comment:

I said "I'm pretty sure the attendance rate for the WJHC was 100% Canadian." Like I've already said before, I meant that Canadians were the only people who really cared about the WJHC. NOT implying there are no hockey fans in Europe. I used a slight exaggeration to get my point across.

Nazi Synthesizer said...


Nazi Synthesizer said...

Besides. You were the one using logic. Which is weird, since the most illogical statement said in the post or comments was that very one.

Anyway. This is amazing. 33 comments.

Clock Cleaner said...

you should check out the other blog I do for that WCP cup thing. Got 71 comments on one post.

Clock Cleaner said...

speaking of other blogs, hows yours?

PigBearMan? said...

What the fuck? Stop side-stepping everything we say.

"I never said there were no hockey fans in the Czech Republic."

"I'm pretty sure the attendance rate for the WJHC was 100% Canadian."

And I'm pretty sure that the second part means there were no hockey fans in the Czech Republic. You may have used a slight exaggeration, but you can't deny that those 2 comments clearly contradict eachother...which is what I'm telling you. I don't know what you're telling me I'm wrong about.

Clock Cleaner said...

Are you serious? Do you realize that the 2nd statement was not to be taken literally? I've explained it over and over, yet you continously think I mean there are absolutely no hockey fans in the Czech Republic. Which is not the case at all. The statement meant Canadians were the only ones who really cared about the WJHC. I mean you actually think that I think there are no hockey fans in the Czech Republic? You're 100% retarded if you do. Literally.

PigBearMan? said...

I'm going to capitalize to help you out.


Nazi Synthesizer said...

You can't sidestep that. It perfectly sums up what we are talking about. The part in CAPS.

Havn't had time to write anything in my blog. But its going great. Thanks for asking.

Clock Cleaner said...

are you kidding me?

"Riley. You are stupid for thinking there are no hockey fans besides Canadians."

Oh, that's weird. I don't recall ever saying there were no hockey fans besides Canadians.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Yes you did. In the Czech Republic. Stop going in circles.

Clock Cleaner said...

No, I never said that. The only statement that ever applied to the Czechs at the start was "Im pretty sure the attendance at the WJHC was 100% canadian" which wasn't meant to be taken literally in the first place.

PigBearMan? said...

I don't give a fuck if it was meant to be taken literally or not. I'm sorry we can't feel your sarcasm over these great internets. You're fucking wrong and you're a pile of shit for arguing about it.

Clock Cleaner said...

If I say something and you misinterpret it, that doesn't make anyone wrong. It's called a misunderstanding by you. You're an asshole.

PigBearMan? said...

You could have saved everybody by just right away saying "You misunderstood, this is what I meant...".

But hey, seems like we solved the problem. Yay for us.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

High five.

Clock Cleaner said...

very nice.

MBE's Sister said...

Although it seems this thread is now dead. I also high five pigbearman and Riley, stop being a stubborn prick. nobody likes them. So stop pretending to outsmart us with your useless logic. be a man and accept you were wrong.