Thursday, March 27, 2008

7 Reasons Why The Blue Jays Will, Once Again, Lose

  1. Casey Janssen tore his labrum. I had to look up what the hell that was, but even before then it just sounded bad. Anything with "pitcher" and "torn" means bad news; unless you're Josh Beckett, then you replace "torn" with "gaping vagina". Anyway, this breaks my heart for two reasons: Casey Janssen is a solid pitcher with balls of steel who can go in and hold a lead or just eat up innings, and his career could be hurt because of this (although not too likely). They still have Downs, Accardo, and Ryan, but Janssen had a good chance at that 5th spot in the rotation.

  2. Speaking of that 5th starter, reason number two is: Jesse Litsch. Yeah, he tossed a gem in his first career start. Too bad he still isn't good. Not overpowering, doesn't have control, and decent stamina at best. Hooray for forcing Wolverine into the game after three innings! Note: I saw he pitched well today. It was one game...he stills blows.

  3. Our two big acquisitions of the off-season: Scott Rolen and David Eckstein. That twat MBE would disagree with me here, but I'm telling you right now they aren't much of an upgrade from last year. Eckstein is better offensively than past Jays shortstops, but he had that horrendous dickduster and his fantastic .960 fielding percentage will remind me of Royce "Fucking Tool" Clayton. Rolen won't play much, but even when he does he'll be a mediocre hitter at best and a slightly more agile Troy Glaus. Okay, way more agile.

  4. Marco Scutaro. If you take playing time from Aaron Hill like Fucking Tool did to Johnny Mac, I'll shit everywhere. Aaron Hill is a badass, and he proved last year he can play the whole year. Just ride the pine and be happy with it, Scrote.

  5. John Gibbons, please don't fuck with the bullpen. I know you can't blame him for losses, but I'm blaming him for some losses last year. You have a fantastic bullpen this year so don't wear down two guys' arms within the first 2 weeks. And I like the idea of playing the matchups in the 8th/9th with B.J. and Accardo (MBE style). They've both proven they can close games, so just put either one in when the matchup suits them instead of forcing B.J. to play the 9th every game.

  6. Rod Barajas. What the fuck J.P.?

  7. Seriously, he blows.

But in all honesty, I like the looks of their pitching this year - don't screw it up, Gibbons - with (almost) everyone seeming to be healthy, but their bats/defense won't cut it. Then again, Vern can't possibly have another season like last year, can he?

Go Jays!


Nazi Synthesizer said...

1. Yes. That does suck. I really wanted to see how Janssen would do this year.

2. Litsch isn't bad. He'll never be an ace, obviously, but he's decent. You're right though, no strikeout pitch to work with...but I don't really see a problem with his control or stamina, overall.

3. I agree with MBE on this one. On paper at least. Never know. Eckstein is an upgrade a SS any way you cut it. Fuck. Toss Marc out there and it would be an upgrade over Clayton. I like Johnny Mac though, great player. His hitting is getting better I hear. Rolen has been injured so its hard to say about him so far.

4. I always considered Scutaro a solid player. But since everything the Jays touch turns to shit...Anyway, Scuts is starting 3B so far for Rolen. So don't shit yourself yet, Aaron Hill is too good defensively to lose his spot to Scutaro anyway. Won't happen.

5. Why not.

6. Whatevs. Better than Sal Fasano. Dude looks like a cunt.

7. In your face.

Inbred Nation said...

Litsch IS bad, and you need to face that fact. He needs a year or two more in the minors.

The Manute Bol Experience said...

Spring is for optimism. Even Giants have can have hope at this point. Don't give up so soon.

And I never really agreed with bringing in Eckstein. I don't know where you got that from. They'd be better off playing MacDonald because Eck's offense does not make up for his lack of defense, especially with the pitching staff's ground ball bias.

Rolen is a pretty good pickup though. While Glaus' D is not as bad as some might think, Rolen's is still much better. I like taking the risk because I don't think they would have won standing pat. The only shitty part is the 3 years of big salary versus 2 years of Glaus' big salary.

Full post about this when there isn't basketball to watch.

Inbred Nation said...

The part about you was mostly about Rolen, because I know about the affair you two are having.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

you're wrong about litsch

The Manute Bol Experience said...

No, he's right. Litsch was pretty lucky last year. He was at or below league average at pretty much every thing except ERA last year. Which I guess doesn't necessarily mean he's bad, he's just overrated.

Hill will play 160 games at least, barring injury. He's the best.

At least Barajas is better than Fasano and Jason Phillips. God, does Jason Phillips ever suck.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Nope. Wrong. Litsch will top last year.

Yes, Hill is fantastic.

I think Barajas will surprise. You much as Barajas can at this point. But ya, Fasano and Phillips are el terrible.

Inbred Nation said...

Topping last year won't be hard...we just said he sucked last year.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

But he will top it...all the way to the bank!!!!1