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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Are Automatic Car Washes Are F--king Retarded?


If it's extremely cold out and you don't have a garage and for some reason you absolutely have to wash your car and don't feel like drying it with towels or something, then an automatic car wash is mildly acceptable.

Other than that, there is only one possible good reason to go to an automatic car wash.

You have to be a lazy asshole who has no concept of cost-effectiveness. I consistently see cars lined up to get into these places on beautiful days and can't understand why in the world you'd go there.

Here are pros and cons of an automated car wash.

Pros
-You don't have to go through the effort of getting out of your car and washing your car yourself. Interestingly enough, you probably also fervently wish there were escalators in your house.

-There's a dryer at the end that sort of dries off your car. Meaning you're under the delusion that a car is much like a regular person, who enjoys being being dried off right after they're done a shower.

Cons
-It costs what...like 7$-9$ minimum? I got beef with that. I spend 2$-3$ on car washes. I go to that new hand carwash. I spend 1$ on that soap spray, give the car a quick spray all around for 30 seconds, then switch to the foam brush. I let the foam flow out onto the car for the rest of my minute. Then, I just use the brush and scrub it down for however long that takes me. I'll use the second 1$ to just rinse it off. Simple enough, and my car is just as clean as anyone elses. So automated car washes cost around 6$ more for me.

-I can clean my own car way better than that machine. That machine is just happy to go back and forth and the same speed over every section of the car. Well say there's some spots dirtier than others? Maybe you gotta spend a little time cleaning a bit more on those areas. NOOOOO SIRREE! You ain't doing that in one o' your fancy car washes.

-Think of what you could buy instead. All kinds of awesome shit. A BJ from MBE's sister.That's right! 5$ limited time offer!

...

Conclusion: I'm awesome.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Man 5$?? Thats awesome considering the regular price was 5.50.

Inbred Nation said...

Wow...I'd pay at least 6.

The Manute Bol Experience said...

God, that was confusing before I realized you changed your name. I thought somebody else was actually reading this dreck for a second and I began to weep for the future of the planet.

Clock Cleaner said...

that was the funniest comment in the history of this site.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

You are not awesome.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

in fact...that post was fucking stupid....totally non-relevant

car washes? get a fucking job