Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Want to workout? F--k you.

At the gym today, there were many people who drew my ire. My IRE! And God knows my ire isn't easily drawn out.

I will now hand out the coveted "fuck you" awards to those people.

Fuck you really fat people, quit eating fast food and become average already. I don't give a shit how unfortunate your circumstances are, you shouldn't have become fat in the first place. Ooooo you're really fat and now you wanna slim down? You're a goddamn inspiration. Fuck you. And fucking spandex. The last thing I want to see are your individual rolls compressing while you do calisthenics.

Fuck you kids who are playing in the back or waiting for their parents. Your reactions aren't fast enough. When I'm power-walking down the hallway to the weight area, you should be pressing yourselves against the fucking wall as I walk by, not trying to figure out whether to avoid me from the left or right. And when I want a drink from the fountain, I want to drink from the fountain NOW. I'm not waiting for some little pussy who can't figure out how to work the bar that makes water come out. Want water? I'll shove your head in a fucking toilet and you can drink that you little cocksucker.

Fuck you muscleheads. You work out way too much. Your body looks stupid.

I'd rather keep extending my limbs to their full capacity thank you very much.

More later.


Nazi Synthesizer said...

Fuck people who go to the gym.

No matter how big you get, someone could still slit your throat from behind. Or die in a car accident. Just wasting your time.

...and fuck doing it because you want to play sports better. Do you think Bobby Hull or Nolan Ryan ever lifted a weight in their lives? Look how they did.

Or like you said...don't be fat in the first place.

PigBearMan? said...

Yes, I do think they lifted weights.

Clock Cleaner said...

yeah i'm pretty sure they worked out almost every day just like every other player in all professional sports. I don't know where you get your info from.

And fuck you, I go to the gym sometimes. It makes me stronger and faster. Especially good for holding down wildly flailing women while I rape them.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Get my info from? Man, there is no way Bobby Hull worked out a day in his life. Or a fair bit of hockey players back in that era. Unless lifting 14 pint glasses at the end of every game counts. The dude had a gut, no way that would fly today I know that. You could be a fat immobile piece of shit and score a ton (Phil Esposito?)

Nolan Ryan was a tall lanky fuck, who had no muscle tone at all, yet could throw the ball at a ridiculous speed. David Wells too. He was pretty damn good.

Nazi Synthesizer said...

Also, you don't need to go to the gym to get strong enough to rape a chick.

Or maybe you do, whatever.

Clock Cleaner said...

one woman comes to mind...yo momma!!

Nazi Synthesizer said...


but, I think she would bite your dick off.