Reverse Racism Running Rampant

Examples:

commercial #1: Car commercial. Two guys are in a car, driving down the road. The driver remarks how he can set play his music by saying the name of the artist out loud. The driver's friend then says "Michael Bolton," making the driver look like a fool when Michael Bolton comes on. The driver, needless to say, is embarrassed.

commercial #2: A Muchmusic commercial. Two guys want music. One does it the Muchmusic way, succeeding in doing whatever the hell it is he wanted to do. The other guy does it another way, failing in the process. The Muchmusic guy is clearly smarter, while the other guy is a fool.

commercial #3: McDonald's commercial. One guy has a burger from the dollar menu, another has a different burger. The McDonald's guy is portrayed as being way smarter and just all around awesomer. Awesomer is a word. Look it up. No? It's a word now, cockbag.

commercial #4:: Dominos "You've got 30 minutes" delivery commercial. Guy opens door to receive pizza, asks delivery person to guess what they did with their 30 minutes. Delivery person says (insert dumb act here), guy, who clearly did the aforementioned dumb act, says "No!" then shuts the door.


Enough examples.

Problem? In all these commercials, the fool was white. The smart person is black. In every single commercial with only 2 guys, if there a black person, they will ALWAYS be the smart, sensible person.

Here's how it goes.

A commercial where a white man is better than a black man.

Society: RACISM! OPPRESSION! Classic case of whites having power over blacks! NAZIS! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!! RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!!

A commercial where a black man is better than a white man.

Society: (thumb up their ass)Huh? What's the problem?

...

There's a new movie coming out called "College Road Trip" which is pretty much the same exact situation. From what I can tell from the previews, it's basically a black family and a white family vacationing together, and the white people are complete dipshits and act like retards. Imagine if it was the other way around.

I just don't approve of this sort of thing. That's all I'll say on this topic.

Sorry...that you're all fuckheads

Sorry for the lack of posts in the last couple days. I'll get one up soon. I'll repeat, it's not hard to post something once in awhile. I'm looking at you MBE.

In the meantime, I strongly suggest you check out the sitemeter thing I got. Go to site referrals on the side bar when you enter. You get to see what people type in google to come to this site.

So far, the ones I like the best are:

1."Rogers Commercials suck"

-This has moved up to #1 in google. Congratulations Rogers, you fucking mongrels.

2."the influences of shows like Laguna Beach, The Hills, and My Super Sweet 16"

-This site is at #4 for that. Hooray!

3."Diamond Shreddies Bullshit"

-#1 again. Good job whatever your name is that posted that article. Fucking loser.

4."Muscular man cleaner"

-#5. I wonder what that guy was looking for when he typed that in. I'm pretty sure he meant Mr. Clean

5. Wait scratch that, this is number 1. I'm not going back up to rearrange this shit. Anyway. 1. "Kyle Orton Neckbeard"

-If you type that in, we're #5. That is fucking success, people. Look out obscure Deadspin link, here we come!

Others include: "how much does soulja boy make" at #5, "rogers commercial hate" at #1, and other stupid ones. Go look if you feel like it, although I've pretty much summarized here.

WIB post

Burgers or Pizza

Fuck, now I'm hungry.

Another MBS post...but NO! It's different!

Alright, another one. Jeez, if we can't debate on the morality of dogfucking, I don't know what to talk about. How about we turn this into a "Which Is Better?" post. We'll have two options, you choose your side. Alright? Now it's called a WIB post. Got that you fucking morons?

Sorry...that was mean. So the first topic will be thus:

Which is better?


A held-in big, solid, one-wipe poop VS. Pissing when you've held it for a long time

Rogers Commercials Suck Ass

For the love of God...

There is no possible way that Rogers commercials could get worse. I know we've discussed this many times, but really...it can't be emphasized enough. These ads are mind-numbingly retarded. The fucking idiots in marketing are utter failures. What the fuck are they thinking? I can imagine their meetings.

Idiot 1: Alright guys, time to crap out a new ad. Any ideas?

Idiot 2: Mmmm...I don't know. Maybe some gay buttsex will help us think.

Idiot 3: Yeah, gay buttsex.

(gay buttsex)

Idiot 1: Alright, what do we got?

Idiot 2: ...

Idiot 3: ...

Idiot 1: More buttsex?

What a bunch of donkeys.

This fairly new ad features, as usual, the infamous "Five Fucking Faggoteers" of Rogers' previous commercials. Presumably driving either to or from a trip to the mountains. One of the girls takes a picture of the driver, then procedes to mention to the group how she'll post it on facebook and that people will laugh at it, then post on her wall, thereby making her laugh.

Analysis: Alright, this is too stupid. You can figure it out your damn selves. I fucking hate Rogers. I hope the entire marketing team goes straight to hell.

Fuck you Rogers.

Shitty Fucking Ideas

In honour of the original concept of this blog, I'll be filling you in on things I come across that are unforgivably fucking stupid. I find that TV producers do a great job of helping me find these things, so most will be TV based.

Also, I changed the title to something more fitting. Chances are you fuckers didn't think I would ever take the time to write another one of these columns, but hey...Impossible is Nothing.


Shreddies

I've never really been a big fan of Shreddies cereal. Much like Special K or Rice Krispies, it doesn't have a whole lot to offer. The only time I eat it is when we're fresh out of all other cereal, but even then it's basically just a bowl of brown sugar with a couple Shreddies tossed in. Not only did it not have much taste, but it turned into complete mush after about four minutes. You could potentially blame that on the absurd amounts of brown sugar in it, but that would be unfair to the provider of taste.

Well, Post finally decided to put a stop to all that with their new cereal: Diamond Shreddies! Well fuck me sideways. To quote the fine people of Post: "Think that we can't make 100% whole grain wheat Shreddies cereal even better? Well, we just did!" We turned those motherfuckers 45 degrees! Won't taste like shit no more!

I still can't decide if this is a joke or not. It's mind numbingly retarded. They even have a fucking website for this stuff. Either way, Post, I'm not eating either of your bullshit cereals.

Adidas

We've talked about this many times, but I feel like the rest of our readers (I'm lookin' at you, Carl) should know about the bullshit spewing from Reggie Bush's mouth. The first one that I saw was of Jonah Lomu, so I rationally assumed that they would all be about people who faced serious adversity and managed to overcome it. Of course, that could not have been any more wrong.

The second ad I saw was Gilbert Arenas complaining about riding the pine for the first 40 games of his rookie season, even though the asshole ended up starting 30 games that year. Then he goes on to say he wanted to prove everyone wrong by getting really good. Once again, I rationally assumed that he was a late round draft pick with very little to offer. Nope. The prick went 31st overall out of Arizona. If anything, you should be trying to prove to people you deserved to be picked that high. Fuck you Gilbert, you're a shit stain on society.

The best ad of the bunch has to go to Reggie Bush's horrifying tale of adversity. "Six games into the season, I still had no touchdowns. I got a little frustrated." You mean this poor guy had to suffer through a national championship and Heisman Trophy at USC (think of the tang), getting drafted 2nd overall, AND not scoring for six weeks? Jesus H. Christ. If bosses were more like Mr. Tarkanian, we wouldn't have to worry about shit like this.

Soulja Boy is Killing Music

When you hear the words "music" and "talent" together, what do you think of?

Personally, I think of all of the following: a strong voice, maybe a different sounding voice(ex. Michael Jackson, Anthony Kiedis), great ability to play instruments, creative and catchy song writing, singing your emotions and how you feel, letting the music flow through you, a love of playing your instrument, all stuff kind of like that.
That's what I think of. You know what I don't think of? Soulja Boy.

Question. What talent does Soulja Boy have? He was nominated for a Grammy. He must some talent. There must be something that separates him from the rest of the music world.

Fuck you asshole

Answer: Soulja Boy is fucking devoid of any talent whatsoever.

The abomination that was "Crank That" took the world by storm. Idiots everywhere were doing that stupid dance. Society took one look at Soulja Boy, lifted him on its shoulders, stood up, and took a giant crap on every single hard-working musician with common sense.

A visit to Youtube courtesy of Pigbearman? provided me the opportunity to watch Soulja Boy's new video, called "YAAAH!!" or something. Soulja isn't stupid, he realized how his shitty dance got so popular, so he made up something he thought was catchy.

Here's an excerpt.

"When someone you don't wanna talk to is all up in your face and trying to talk to you ya'll go YAAAAAH TRICK YAAAAAH!!!"

Alright...that is not a saying. YAAH? What does that even mean? Like...Jesus. I can't even think of anything to say to something like that. It's so...dumb...makes no sense...plain stupid. And ...aaaAAARGGGGHHH WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS?

If I'm talking to someone in person or on the phone and they say YAAAH to end the conversation, I would hunt that person down and rip out their throat. The worst thing is that people even recognize this garbage. No one should ever even be hearing this stuff. It isn't music. He sounds like Timmy from South Park in his YAAH video (GibbidibiliAAHH)for Christ's sake. Am I bitter this asshole kid is making millions off of retarded songs? You bet your ass I am. This is bullshit. I want to make money for being retarded.

Here...I've got it...the next craze! Whenever you have to fart, you yell "CHEEEEETTTOOOSSSSS!"

ZOMG! Genius! Where's Def Jam Records? Sign me to a contract, you fucking bozos!

...

A New Feature- MBS post

I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce a new feature called an MBS post, or Message Board Style post. We will discuss certain issues, as a message board does, in the comments. The issues can be completely random, and anyone is welcome and encouraged to bring up an issue that they want to discuss. Any topic will do.

These posts will come up every so often, but should be debated about until a settlement is reached. Only once a conclusion on the issue is reached will the discussion end. The dialogue should be mature and thoughtful, and any comments not on the topic or just blatant insults will be deleted. I feel this will be a great way to figure out life's mysteries and it should be interesting as well.

Today's issue is...Dogfucking. Take it to the comments. I'll start.

More Motivation

Those motivational style posters got me thinking of ones I saw the other day. Here.

















And some other pics I found funny...

Yahoo has awesome stories

Gee, I wonder what guys REALLY want on Valentine's Day.
The girl's other arm is the reason that guy is smiling.



Now I want to share some pictures I have that I think are funny. Some I've already posted, but they deserve a second look.




This is much worse than that girl who put her thong on sideways.


A girl trying to get that "hot look"









World's best halloween costume

Want to workout? F--k you.

At the gym today, there were many people who drew my ire. My IRE! And God knows my ire isn't easily drawn out.

I will now hand out the coveted "fuck you" awards to those people.

Fuck you really fat people, quit eating fast food and become average already. I don't give a shit how unfortunate your circumstances are, you shouldn't have become fat in the first place. Ooooo you're really fat and now you wanna slim down? You're a goddamn inspiration. Fuck you. And fucking spandex. The last thing I want to see are your individual rolls compressing while you do calisthenics.

Fuck you kids who are playing in the back or waiting for their parents. Your reactions aren't fast enough. When I'm power-walking down the hallway to the weight area, you should be pressing yourselves against the fucking wall as I walk by, not trying to figure out whether to avoid me from the left or right. And when I want a drink from the fountain, I want to drink from the fountain NOW. I'm not waiting for some little pussy who can't figure out how to work the bar that makes water come out. Want water? I'll shove your head in a fucking toilet and you can drink that you little cocksucker.

Fuck you muscleheads. You work out way too much. Your body looks stupid.

I'd rather keep extending my limbs to their full capacity thank you very much.

More later.

Pre-Game Superbowl Genius

Howard: JOE! Hey JOE, we're out of clips to show for the superbowl pre-game show!

Joe: Well put something on! We can't go back to the panel yet, they're not ready.

Howard: EGADS! There's nothing! Wait a second.

...

Ah HA!

...

I've got one! Play it.

Joe: Alright, here goes.



"I'm Rodney Harrison, strong safety for the New England Patriots. My brother used to call me 'Doodie' because I had really bad gas."

(ends)

Joe: That.Was.AWESOME.