Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Story of How I Came to be Autistic

At work the other day, I finally received from feedback on an issue very near and dear to my heart. That is to say, is "how's it going?" a question or a greeting.

Are you asking how it's going? Or is it a different version of hi? If I respond by telling you how it's going and you didn't actually want to know, then I seem like an idiot. If I don't, then it's like "what the hell is that guy's problem?" WHICH IS IT? Is this frustration warranted?

Crazy pills indeed. A guy at work told me the story of someone (also at work) I see on a regular basis who happens to be autistic, and you'd never know. This guy is a little awkward, but nothing out of the ordinary. Anyway, he's overcome a lot, and he's even married, but the thing that really stuck out was a little mini-story inside the story. One day when the autistic guy started work, he was asked "how's it going?" by the storyteller, and the autistic guy proceed to tell him how it was going. The storyteller used this as an example of his mental issues. He said these exact words: "He didn't realize that "how's it going" is only a greeting, and he just didn't understand expressions like that. So he kept telling me about how his life was going."

It was at this point that my concentration got sucked into a black hole and disappeared forever. There it was! The truth! "How's it going?" is considered a greeting! And more importantly...I'm autistic! It certainly is a relief to finally have some clarification on THAT one as well. Killed two birds with one stone right there. Now I know what you're thinking. "Am I REALLY autistic?" A search on autism clears that up right away.


Compulsive Behaviour, such as strong memorization... and arranging objects in stacks or lines- When I was a kid, I used to know tons of different car names, and I knew them very well. I remember a picture I have where I've lined up toy cars in a huge line to show my brother.

Sameness and Ritualistic Behaviour- Every year I swear I'm going to do better at school, but I end up doing the exact same things all the time. Finally, I know it's because I'm autistic. Totally telling my parents that.

Self-injury- Easy. I had a small scab on my left arm that I kept scratching off, and now it's a lumpy, stupid scar.

Show distress for unusual reasons - How's it going?

Lack of affection- I do not like most people, and I do not have a girlfriend.

Have difficulty in making friends- Well maybe if people weren't so stupid.

Thanks, internet. Now I'm certain that I'm suffering from autism. At least we solved the issue of "How's it going?" I'm not changing my response. Mr. Storyteller can get fucked.