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Monday, July 9, 2007

Power ranking of the Denver Broncos? Hardly.

This particular ranking was one of the worst of those power rankings at armchairGM.

9. Denver Broncos-Jake Cutler has been a shocking surprise to Denver as he took control of the offense and led to many victories when Plummer was not succeeding. The Broncos took picked a great choice for a backup Q. Patrick Ramsey is a guy with many years under his belt and knows how the game is played. He will help guide Cutler throughout the year. If Cutler goes down, then Ramsey is good enough to step in a do a decent job as proved with the Chiefs. As far a receivers go, they have the top two (Rod Smith and Javon Walker). To go with that, Travis Henry has been brought into the organization gaining over 1200 yards last year. Mike Bell is still young and learning but will be good in the future. Champ Baily and Dre' Ply will do a great job at corner and the rest of the defense looks great.


I'm going to go through each sentence and break down its retardedness.

"Jake Cutler has been a shocking surprise to Denver as he took control of the offense and led to many victories when Plummer was not succeeding."

In his original unmodified post, he spelled Jay Cutler's first name with a "k" and an "e." This brings me to my first point: If you don't know the name of the starting quarterback on a team, you shouldn't be trying to rank teams in the first place. Now that I'm past the first mistake on the first word, I'll get to the rest of the sentence. A shocking surprise that Cutler is able to play good football? For Christ's sake, he was the 11th pick. Of course he's a good player you dumb idiot. Not everyone picked in the first round is Akili Smith. He also had 2 victories, which doesn't qualify as "many" in my books.

"The Broncos took picked a great choice for a backup Q"

Now to the next topic of this ranking: Patrick Ramsey(hey! he spelt it right) is a quality backup Q. Assuming he means quarterback, I'll get to his description of Ramsey. "Ramsey has many years under his belt and knows how the game is played." This also qualifies my grandma. Hey everyone! If you're old, and know how to play football, come on out and be a backup quarterback for the Broncos!

His next sentence makes sense. "Ramsey will help guide Cutler." It makes sense, but when you're writing a short summary of why the Broncos will be ranked 9th, the fact the Patrick Ramsey can guide is very fucking irrelevant.

"If Cutler goes down, then Ramsey is good enough to step in a do a decent job as proved with the Chiefs."

Hey I didn't know Patrick Ramsey played for the Chiefs? Oh that's because he DIDN'T. Nice research you stupid piece of garbage.
What makes it funnier is that he could have left it with saying: "good enough to step in and do a decent job," but he had to throw in the last part as a sort of smug afterthought. Idiot.

"As far a receivers go, they have the top two (Rod Smith and Javon Walker)."

What? The top two in the league? NO. The top two on their team? If so, then that makes sense because there's no way a team can't have the best players that play for them that are on their team. You get that?

Either way you put it, it's still wrong, because Rod Smith is hardly going to be a top target for Cutler. He's on his last legs and this will probably be his last season. Brandon Marshall and Brandon Stokley will both have a much bigger impact than Smith.

"To go with that, Travis Henry has been brought into the organization gaining over 1200 yards last year."

Okay, that works. Basically anyone on the Broncos who starts will run for a thousand yards on any given year. Reuben Droughns, Mike Anderson, Clinton Portis, doesn't matter who.

"Mike Bell is still young and learning but will be good in the future."

No he won't.

"Champ Baily and Dre' Ply will do a great job at corner and the rest of the defense looks great. "

Baily and Ply. You fucking retard. Learn how to spell. Sure the defence looks good, but why should anyone think they'll actually do good? At least give a reason for everyone else to think they'll be good.

8 comments:

Isaak said...

Patrick Ramsey...let me just say one thing about that piece of work. Remember when the REDSKINS thought it was a good idea to only play QBs who sucked? Well, Ramsey was one of them. Fuck was that painful.

This guy's like Kige Ramsey without the Wal-Mart backdrop videos.

hbvgamer said...

So when you say "we" you mean you and one other person? lol I find this very ammusing. Actually that's good anaysis, you should think about editing. Do you want to edit my next article if you think my first one was so awful? I admit my reasons did suck and probably the only reason it hit Deadspin was because it's the only rankings that have been made in the of season so far, maybe not, I haven't really looked into it. Anyway, I agree that it wasn't good and I should have proof-read. I clearly suck at writing as I failed that class and a heavily sided math student. Oh, and there was many more mistakes then just the Broncos, well that's all I've seen so far, I'll have to look at the rest of the blog.

hbvgamer said...

"Learn how to spell. Sure the defence" Note: It's spelled 'defense, this game can be played by two.

nfl.com said Dre' Ply is a cornerback for the Bronco's. I never remembered hearing his name but that's how they spelling it when I looked at their depthchart. If you have a problem with that, do not take it up with me, but NFL.com

Ok, i get my reasons blew chucks, but did you like the order? I do not remember what your comments said. I suppose San Fransisco could move up and MAYBE the Vikings of which I am unsure of. The point of it was the order rather then the reasons.

Isaak said...

According to nfl.com, Dre' Ply does not exist. In fact, nobody in the NFL has the last name Ply. However, this may be the guy you're looking for: http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/133227

And defence works both ways...hooray for Britain!

St. Chris Simon said...

Yeah, 'defense' and 'defence' both work. I love how that little argument was your ace in the hole. Plus, it turned out to be wrong.

Also, since when did being a heavily sided math student become an excuse for lacking all common use of the English language.

But I guess you mostly had trouble on the player's names. That happens. But if you don't know the spelling of some of the better known players in the league...maybe writing an NFL analysis is not the way to go. Paying attention to the league longer than a weekend would probably help a lot.

hbvgamer said...

First of all, it has been proven that strong math students suck in english and find it difficult and stgrong english students find math difficult. Sorry I suck at english. I've also been following the league for quite some time and it's not the end of the world if I spell a few player's names wrong. Get over it.

The Big Fundamental said...

Here's the thing....you're not getting over it. So you wrote a shitty article for some website and now people won't get off your back. You know what might make them stop commenting about it? Not countering their comments with more material that they can fire back at you. Just forget about it, let it slide, and move on with your life.

P.S. There's a difference between sucking at english and not being able to spell or use proper grammar. Also, "you and one other person" generally results in use of the pronoun "we".

St. Chris Simon said...

and...

That's never been proven. You're a jackass.