Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Companies That Should Seriously Consider Firing Their Marketing People

As we are all aware, TV commercials have the potential to be hilarious. Like the Alltel commercial where the guy says "So, what level dungeon masters are you guys?" and the four other guys go "Dungeon Masters don't have levels! Dork." That commercial is awesome. Unfortunately, some people are idiots and make really shitty commercials. What follows are some companies who make the aforementioned shitty commercials.

1. TBS

I watch this channel a lot because I like Seinfeld. But the stupid trivia question commercials make me want to change the channel. At least ask a question where the answer isn't painfully obvious. Also, please cut out the shameless self promotion. At least 40% of TBS' commercials are for some retarded original comedy series like Tyler Perry's House of Payne or 10 Items or Less. Who watches these? The other 60% are commercials for technical schools...

2. Molson

God, do I ever hate Molson commercials. I mean of course I like their product. But Jesus, do you really have to advance such stupid stereotypes of Canadians? I'm all for patriotism, but we have tonnes of things to be proud of other than being lumberjacks who wear those flannel button-up jackets, eat doughtnuts, and say "aboot". People like that don't even exist for fuck's sake.

3. Rogers

The Grand Daddy of 'em All when it comes to terrible commercials. Of course, I have to mention that shit fest they released during the World Cup last summer. You know, the one that consisted of that couple and the third wheel going to Germany expecting to get tickets at the door for the most popular event in the world. When that failed, they were content to just tour churches and such. In the end, they all realized it didn't matter that they didn't get to watch soccer because they got to know each other better. It goes without saying that they wouldn't of enjoyed it if they couldn't have downloaded music and videos on their cellphones. The commercial doesn't mention the 1900$ cellphone bill the next month. Compound all of this by the fact that this was aired twice every commercial break, every game of the World Cup. What a steaming pile of garbage.

The current piece of piss Rogers is mercilessly shoving down our throats involves the infamous "five." These "five" commercials are passable when they involve Chuck Barkley and Dwayne Wade but not when they star some d-bag with a white man afro and an emo-paki. I don't think emo-paki is an actual term, but you know what I mean. Anyways, the most offensive commercial with these retards is the one where they're playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets into the one guys five. So they're playing rock, paper, scissors. Fair enough. That game is obviously the way to go for deciding stuff. Things take a turn for the worse, however, when the one dude decides he should make one handed quotation marks and call it "snake". Then, he decides to unleash this gem, "Snake bites rock. I win." What the toothbrush? How does a snake bite a rock, exactly? If anything the snake will break it's teeth right? But this isn't even the worst part. The guy who is letting people into his five actually agrees with him. Not only would I instantly reject this guy from my phone contact list, I would stop associating with him altogether. On top of all this, Rogers offers an awful phone network.

Some commercials just make me shake my head. I'm sure I missed some brutal ones. Feel free to list in the comments.


clock cleaner said...

You nailed the two worsts for commercials. Those Rogers commercials during the world cup were absolutely awful, and their new ones are coming close. TBS is brutal as well.

As for other bad commercials,
I'd say those telephone dating commercials are among the worst. Why go out anywhere when you can talk to creepy strangers on the phone?
The A&W commercials with that fat guy and the Lilydale commercials are also fairly bad.

Eets not terrkey, eets Leeleedell!

Isaak said...

This has nothing to do with this topic, but it reminds me that I hate people.

I'm sure you guys have seen "The Landlord" with Will Ferrell and the little girl Pearl. Very funny shit. Well retarded pieces of shit like the person that said this just make me want to hurt people.

"What is wrong with him?! It is really a testament to how evil the world is these days. It is a proven fact that swearing is a gateway to drugs, sex, and communisim! F*** you Will Ferrell."

Proven fact, eh? I think sheer stupidity is probably a more common link to drugs, sex, and communism. Wait...where does communism come in to all of this? Fuck people, get ahold of yourselves.

Isaak said...

After watching a little of the tube, I found my most hated commercials. Those stupid Holiday Inn commercials. What does staying at a Holiday Inn have to do with jumping over buses on a dirtbike or knowing that a bull had extra kicking power?

St. Chris Simon said...

Fuck that. There's nothing wrong with Rogers service. Their marketing is a different story...

Those commercials were pretty fucking accurate, however. The Rogers "My Five" one is by far the worst. Snake bites rock my ass.

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St. Chris Simon said...

Typical Rodrigo...

Always full of bullshit.

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