Thursday, May 17, 2007

Fed up

Okay Carson Palmer, that's about enough. It's like a rollercoaster ride with you.

These things keep adding up, and I must say, it's taking its toll on me.
I've decided to come up with a points system to keep track of things that Carson Palmer does that affect a rating i'm making up. A rating of 0 is alright. It means you haven't done anything bad or anything good to affect my view of you. A minus rating is bad, a plus rating is good. Fairly simple.

First theres your christmas list...

Wish list (quotes in brackets)[my quotes in square brackets]
1. The new Kevin Federline CD, Playing with Fire. ("A lot of people don't like K-Fed, but he's all right.") ["No he's not alright, he's a shit fucking asshole. That's a -10."]

2. A new tie rack. ("Even guys from Southern California wear ties.")["That's a dumb present.-2"]

3. A 10-point LTS crossbow. ("It's a new hobby of mine.")["Okay, that's cool. +7"]

4. Flavor of Love (Season 1) DVD. ("Flav is very smooth, and funny.")["Haha Flav is a retard and the girls on the show are the worst people on earth.-8"]

5. A pingpong table. ("Pingpong is fun and helps your hand-eye coordination.")[love ping-pong.+5]

Next there was the Carson Palmer's Cornhole Classic.

Carson set this up to endorse the game of Cornhole. The game of CORNHOLE. Basically horseshoes crossed with sodomy. you're throwing a bean bag in a hole. There's a link on his site and on the bengals web site. Whyyyyyyy Carson.[-4]

Of course, you can't forget how he came back from his injury. [+10]

Next, there's this ad that just came out for hot dogs.

That's another -4 for you.

Finally there's the heisman voting this year. As a winner, Carson receives the privilege of voting. He gets three votes, picking his top choice first and so on. So what does he do? He votes his brother in as the first pick....AND TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF with a +7. This gives him a +1 in my books. Good enough. GO BENGALS


St. Chris Simon said...

+1? The guy is batshit crazy and you give him a plus? In my eyes, there is little separating him from crazy-ass Michael Jackson anymore...since he's pro-sodomy now.

clock cleaner said...

i need to convince myself of any possible reasons i can still like the bengals. most of those things warrant a much bigger point deduction, but i need to hold on to that shred of a reason to like the bengals.

Give me that ounce of hope.

Man Hole said...

What's your beef with Rudi? He isn't the anal-loving, weiner eater that Carson is, and they made a fucking movie about him. What else can you ask for?