Champions League Final

Final score: 2-1 for AC Milan over Liverpool.

Liverpool more or less controlled the game, but Milan took it by scoring on their both and only attempts. Filippo Inzaghi scored both goals and proved he was the man to play after much controversy over whether him or Gilardino would start up front.

As usual the Italians were up to their old tricks and were diving all over the place. The most notable one was when a Liverpool player had the ball down the sideline and tried lobbing it in but hit a Milan player less than 2 feet away. The Milan player instantly dropped and started pointing to his stomach like he'd been shot. He looked
like he had an alien inside his chest and it was about to burst out. Luckily for him, the extensively trained doctors in their suits and white gloves had the perfect cure for his terrible injury. Spray can to the rescue! He was up and ready to play in no time. The beauty of slow-motion replays really captures the retardedness of most dives. You can see exactly how they weren't touched at all and the amazed disbelief on the fouling player's face. A neat idea would be if the ref could look up at a screen in the stadium and determine if he dove or not, then punishing accordingly.

Anyway Liverpool was down 2-0 before dirk kuyt, who i despise and doesn't get the privilege of capital letters in his name, headed a deflected corner kick past Dida the goalie. Even the lanky bastard Crouch came close, but it was too little too late.

The whistle blew and the crying began. Wiping the sweat and grease out of their eyes, the Italians hugged and rejoiced before hoisting the trophy. Then they all put on their pink, open-collared shirts, gelled all their hair into faux-hawks, trimmed their stubble, piled into their miatas (not before chowing down on some spaghetti with Ragu), then headed off to the discos for wine and spirits!