Riding the Pine

Whatever. It's cool. I don't even want to play, anyway. Pfff...I mean, he's got all the stress of proving himself, and I get to sit here and look cool. And boy, do I look cool. I'm gonna see if any hot chicks want a piece of this after the game. I'll just turn around and quickly scan the crowd and pretend I'm too cool to make eye contact with anyone. Gotta put a little water in my hair first...there. Here goes.

(turns around, quickly scans crowd with a very serious look, turns back around)

Sweet.

I think that went well. Tum ta tum...lots of people showed up today. Tum te ta te too... Boringggggggg. Hey, you, defenceman. Rough game out there? Yeah, looks shitty. Good thing I don't have to play...suckers. Ha!

...

Oh! Oh! Did you see that?! Did you see what he did? Like, seriously...you're starting THIS guy? DID YOU SEE WHAT HE JUST DID? Fucking hell, I'm way better than that... DUDE! COVER YOUR REBOUNDS! 25 ALWAYS SHOOTS LOW! Holy Christ let me play. I can't fucking take this anymore. STICK SIDE! STICK SIDE!

You know what? Fuck it. This is a lost cause. This team sucks, and if they're stupid enough to start this retard, they deserve to lose. It's a team game, you say? Well fuck you. If I can't be part of the team, then I don't have to care. I look cool sitting here anyway. I'm gonna do that serious look thing to the crowd again. Maybe I'll make eye contact with a hot girl this time.

(turns around, quickly scans crowd with serious look, turns back around)

I'm awesome at that. I love wearing all this equipment, too. Makes me look badass. I'm like a robot. NO! Like a mech. Yeah, a mech. Guhhh, that mech game sucked for Xbox. I think Batman would be a sweet game if they actually put the effort in. Like GTA, except you're Batman. How fucking cool would that be?

...

I'm cooler than Batman. Yeah, if Batman was out here on the ice, he'd fucking fall right on his fat ass. Batskates my ass. He couldn't save shit. The Flash would be pretty good at hockey, I think. Maybe the Green Lantern, too. I can't wait for that Justice League movie. The Flash is in that right? Hey, you, defenceman, THE FLASH IS IN THAT NEW JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE RIGHT? Hey, don't fucking ignore me, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME. Whatever...fuck him. Where's the Gatorade?