DAMMIT, the toilet paper should be rolling forward!

(enters bathroom)

HOLY CAT-FUCKING JESUS!

WHO replaced the toilet paper, put on a roll with ONE PLY, and then PLACED THE ENTIRE GODDAMN THING COMPLETELY FUCKING BACKWARDS?!?!

I mean, I deal with shit daily. On the field, off the field, but this is the last straw. When Mike Singletary takes his spot on the shitter, that toilet paper better be in THE OPTIMAL POSITION FOR ASS-WIPING! I don't fucking ask for much around here. The least this whole fucked-up organization could do for me is keep the toilets in decently half-ass condition.

(shits)

Christ, these idiots know I can't see the bottom of the toilet paper when it's on backwards, and I fucking told them I like to be conservative with the amount of toilet paper I use.

DAMMIT!

I DIDN'T WANT 4 PIECES! THIS IS TOO MUCH!
Fucking hell...now I have to rip this into 2 separate pieces so I can use them later in my ass-wiping...gotta set them on my lap here...FUCK I HATE YOU WHOEVER DID THIS...ok got to get a 3-piecer this time. Got it....

(sheets fall off lap)

OH. MY. GOD. I HATE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING ORGANIZATION RUN BY A BUNCH OF BUTTFUCKING ASSHOLES I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS GARBAGE! A PISS COVERED FLOOR WITH MY PRECIOUS TP!

(reaches down to the floor to pick up dropped toilet paper, promptly falls over and knocks himself out on the stall door.)

(Vernon Davis enters, shit on his head.)

VD: Now we even, bitch.