DAMMIT, the toilet paper should be rolling forward!

(enters bathroom)

HOLY CAT-FUCKING JESUS!

WHO replaced the toilet paper, put on a roll with ONE PLY, and then PLACED THE ENTIRE GODDAMN THING COMPLETELY FUCKING BACKWARDS?!?!

I mean, I deal with shit daily. On the field, off the field, but this is the last straw. When Mike Singletary takes his spot on the shitter, that toilet paper better be in THE OPTIMAL POSITION FOR ASS-WIPING! I don't fucking ask for much around here. The least this whole fucked-up organization could do for me is keep the toilets in decently half-ass condition.

(shits)

Christ, these idiots know I can't see the bottom of the toilet paper when it's on backwards, and I fucking told them I like to be conservative with the amount of toilet paper I use.

DAMMIT!

I DIDN'T WANT 4 PIECES! THIS IS TOO MUCH!
Fucking hell...now I have to rip this into 2 separate pieces so I can use them later in my ass-wiping...gotta set them on my lap here...FUCK I HATE YOU WHOEVER DID THIS...ok got to get a 3-piecer this time. Got it....

(sheets fall off lap)

OH. MY. GOD. I HATE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING ORGANIZATION RUN BY A BUNCH OF BUTTFUCKING ASSHOLES I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS GARBAGE! A PISS COVERED FLOOR WITH MY PRECIOUS TP!

(reaches down to the floor to pick up dropped toilet paper, promptly falls over and knocks himself out on the stall door.)

(Vernon Davis enters, shit on his head.)

VD: Now we even, bitch.

Drinking

Why do I drink? Am I drunk right now? The answer to both those questions is a resounding "YES!" I think I drink(that rhymes BITCH)to have fun. BUT IS IT NECESSARY? NO! I can have fun when I don't drink, but really, not even close to as much. That's probably true in many aspects, but I'm tired. HOLY SHIT REMEMBER WHEN RICHARD FELL DOWN THAT HILL???? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA FUCK that was funny. Wow I'm really tired. I usually fall asleep on the couch every single weekend night, but I bet I can make it upstairs and brush my teeth. Yes, I think I'll be able to do that while typing here laying at a really awkward angle. AW Shit work tomorrow I'm gonna go work. FUCK. So in summation, keep it real.

I Like You...But You're Crazy

Funniest part of that movie...watched it over and over today.

Kyle Orton's Neckbeard has Career Day, Brings Kyle Along for the Ride

Guess who was 24-of-34 for 334 yards and had a 121.4 rating to go with 2 touchdowns today?

That's right. Kyle mawfuckin Orton. Of course, he played the Lions, but still. He's Kyle Orton. Frankly, I'm stunned he didn't run for 200 yards and throw another 5 touchdowns. He's better than he showed today, so hopefully he picks it up next week.

From the Yahoo Summary: Like many NFL players, Orton loves playing the Lions. “Yeah, I do for some reason,”

What a mystery! What could the reason be?! Somebody get Sherlock Holmes on the phone!

This was Jon Kitna's breaking news on Yahoo: "The Associated Press reports Detroit Lions QB Dan Orlovsky relieved QB Jon Kitna in the third quarter of the team's Week 5 game. He went 13-for-23 for 97 yards and one touchdown in the game. He set career highs in completions, attempts and yards."

Originally I didn't think anything of it, but how stupid is the last part? It's so dumb. I thought maybe he had reached milestones in all those categories or something, but not even close. Of course he reached career highs. Every time he completes a pass or even attempts one he's setting a new career high. Idiots.

Next: Fuck you Bud Light. You have "drinkability?" Let's get this straight. You have a product. You need to have a reason that people will choose your product over other similar products. So you made up an adjective to describe your product, and you base your entire ad campaign around it? Right...that'll work. And what does that even mean? I sure hope you can fucking drink it. It's a "drink" and I am able to "drink" this so-called "drink." That clears a lot up.

Every company should do that! Let's buy footballs from Nike because they're footbally. Choose Nintendo Wii over other game consoles because it has high levels of videogameliness!
OMG EVERYONE LETS GO TO BEST BUY AND GET 360'S!

I Love This Commercial

The Discovery Channel is a great channel. It's the one channel that, at this current time, I can't find any flaws with. They always have original programming and it's usually awesome. They don't advertise dumb stereotypes or show programs that portray false idols. I love the Discovery Channel.