Shitty Fucking Ideas

In honour of the original concept of this blog, I'll be filling you in on things I come across that are unforgivably fucking stupid. I find that TV producers do a great job of helping me find these things, so most will be TV based.

Also, I changed the title to something more fitting. Chances are you fuckers didn't think I would ever take the time to write another one of these columns, but hey...Impossible is Nothing.


Shreddies

I've never really been a big fan of Shreddies cereal. Much like Special K or Rice Krispies, it doesn't have a whole lot to offer. The only time I eat it is when we're fresh out of all other cereal, but even then it's basically just a bowl of brown sugar with a couple Shreddies tossed in. Not only did it not have much taste, but it turned into complete mush after about four minutes. You could potentially blame that on the absurd amounts of brown sugar in it, but that would be unfair to the provider of taste.

Well, Post finally decided to put a stop to all that with their new cereal: Diamond Shreddies! Well fuck me sideways. To quote the fine people of Post: "Think that we can't make 100% whole grain wheat Shreddies cereal even better? Well, we just did!" We turned those motherfuckers 45 degrees! Won't taste like shit no more!

I still can't decide if this is a joke or not. It's mind numbingly retarded. They even have a fucking website for this stuff. Either way, Post, I'm not eating either of your bullshit cereals.

Adidas

We've talked about this many times, but I feel like the rest of our readers (I'm lookin' at you, Carl) should know about the bullshit spewing from Reggie Bush's mouth. The first one that I saw was of Jonah Lomu, so I rationally assumed that they would all be about people who faced serious adversity and managed to overcome it. Of course, that could not have been any more wrong.

The second ad I saw was Gilbert Arenas complaining about riding the pine for the first 40 games of his rookie season, even though the asshole ended up starting 30 games that year. Then he goes on to say he wanted to prove everyone wrong by getting really good. Once again, I rationally assumed that he was a late round draft pick with very little to offer. Nope. The prick went 31st overall out of Arizona. If anything, you should be trying to prove to people you deserved to be picked that high. Fuck you Gilbert, you're a shit stain on society.

The best ad of the bunch has to go to Reggie Bush's horrifying tale of adversity. "Six games into the season, I still had no touchdowns. I got a little frustrated." You mean this poor guy had to suffer through a national championship and Heisman Trophy at USC (think of the tang), getting drafted 2nd overall, AND not scoring for six weeks? Jesus H. Christ. If bosses were more like Mr. Tarkanian, we wouldn't have to worry about shit like this.

Roger Goodell reacts to the Sunday's upsets

(Preparing for Superbowl with staff Sunday night)


Alright guys...and girl! Heh Heh Can't forget about you Amber! Anyway... Thanks for coming.

Hope everyone had a good time during our staff vacation in Thailand.

I know I did.

Two words.

Tsunami. Orphans.

Anyway...

Well...It's been a fairly slow week. The plans to maximize profits during these playoffs have gone as planned. I can't foresee any problems we could run into this weekend, where the Colts should easily handle the Chargers and the Cowboys will beat the Giants. I mean, everyone knows Rivers is a fucking whiny bitch anyway, so nothing will change if we tell the refs to call the game in the Colts favour. Not that we'd even have to do that, considering how shitty the Chargers are. Obviously the Cowboys will win. The Giants suck so bad.

Yeah.
What?
Are you kidding?
Jeff, they have ELI MANNING.
ELI MANNING IS THEIR STARTING QUARTERBACK, JEFF.

Ooooo a great pass rush? Whoop-dee-fuckin-doo. A great pass rush means nothing if your entire secondary have their arms up to their elbows in each other's asses for 3/4 of a game. Back on topic.

Alright, so just so everyone's got it straight. Colts and Patriots will be a huge draw. Packers and Cowboys will be a huge draw. This year we're gonna have to take the profit hit in the Superbowl. The Patriots will walk all over the Cowboys, and there's nothing we can do about that. The conference championships will more than make up for it though.

God, can you guys imagine the shit that would fly if those teams lose today? Hahahahaha a Packers-Giants conference final? If you'd said that to me at the beginning of this season I would have burned you at the stake immediately. Like seriously, just fucking shoot me if that ever happens. And the Chargers? Fuck right off. That would be fucking terrible for everyone, ever, if those teams win. A fucking travashamockery.

Intercom: Mr. Goodell, sorry to disturb you but I think you should turn on the TV and check out the highlights of the games.

(click)

Why? What could be so impor...aw fuck.